"Dear Adam"

Dear Adam,

What has happened to you? Is it me? No, it has to be you. We used to be such good friends. I would laugh at the things you'd say, snicker at the silly voices you used, even try to emulate you at times. But that was a long time ago, wasn't it? Remember back in the early 1990's when we met? You were getting your feet wet on Saturday Night Live. I never really cared for your old man voice, or Opera Man, or Canteen Boy, but there were flashes of, dare I say, greatness. You parlayed that success into two or three fairly funny movies; Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison and The Wedding Singer. Sure you used that stupid voice again, but the movies followed a simple formula of dolt makes good and learns a lesson to boot. And there were actually laugh-out-loud scenes. Brilliant movie making? Absolutely not! But not a bad way to spend 90 minutes.

Then the beginning of the end...The Waterboy. This was, apparently, the reason that ridiculously annoying voice was created. You are, I'm sure, fully aware that there is no redeeming value in The Waterboy. It's a movie made for idiots, and, even though it made millions of dollars, I lost a little respect for you. But everybody is allowed to miscalculate once, right? Benefit of the doubt, let's see where you go. Little Nicky??? Really?? Were you high when you wrote this? And wasn't this the same challenged character as The Waterboy? Where's the growth, Adam? Why were you satisfied with putting out the same movie all for the sake of money?

But then, Punch-Drunk Love came out and all was good between me and you again. You had a chance to actually act, and you did quite well. It was a side of you I wasn't sure existed, but I was happy to see it. Did this mean you would finally take some responsibility in choosing your roles? Would you start making movies that people other than stoned teenage boys would like to see? Nope...you follow this with Mr. Deeds, Eight Crazy Nights and Anger Management. Oh, Adam....

Now, even though Spanglish, Click and Reign Over Me showed a glimmer of what I saw in Punch-Drunk Love, it was all for naught. You decided to write and star in four of the worst movies EVER made. You Don't Mess With The Zohan could have been your Borat, but it failed so miserably. Grown Ups was a chance for all your buddies to get together and do silly things that only seemed funny to you. And even though I haven't see, nor will ever see, your last two creations, Bucky Larson and Jack And Jill, you have made it quite obvious that you just don't care anymore. You insult your audience by taking there money in hopes that they'll get a little more than fart jokes, getting high jokes and kick-in-the-crotch gags. Why do you hate the people that made you rich and famous? Why do you waste our time, Adam, why?? You are a 45-year old man that still, seemingly, writes a script while getting stoned with your buddies. Stop using your Hollywood cache to get horrible movies made. If I wrote Jack And Jill, do you think it would ever make it to the big screen? Of course not. And do you know why? Because it sucks, Adam...it sucks real, real bad. I am not going to watch anymore of your shit, Adam. I know this may not upset you, but it should. I represent someone who once believed in you, but has been disappointed far too many times. I know you will continue to be a huge box office success, because, God knows, there are a lot of morons out there that still think you're funny. I just won't be any part of it.

Sincerely,

Rob Steinberg