Tuesday Movie Reviews

The Road
Starring: Viggo Mortensen, Charlize Theron, Robert Duvall, Guy Pearce
Directed by John Hillcoat

We enter the story after some horrible apocalyptic occurrence. The Earth is dark and drab with a terrible grey cloud covering everything. No vegetation, no animals, very few humans. A man and his son are roaming around trying to find any food (insects) and shelter (make-shift tent). That's the movie, people. It sounds dull, and at times it is, but this is not a happy time. The dreariness of the situation is felt full-force. Survivors have taken to cannibalism to survive, so there are true threats out in the wilderness. The sets are amazing. (I don't know where this movie was filmed, but I don't want to vacation there!). Viggo plays his role as the ever-caring, do-right-by-his-son father perfectly. You feel for this guy that's lost his wife and has to survive, for whatever comes next, strictly for his son's safety and well being. And he's sooooo thin!! Duvall, in a very small role, is almost unrecognizable. I really enjoyed the storytelling of the road, and the horrid picture it drew of a post-nuclear-bombed world, but not everybody will like it. Take caution before you watch it.

GRADE: B

The Collector
Starring: Josh Stewart, Michael Reilly Burke, Andrea Roth, Madeline Zima
Directed by Marcus Dunston

From the people who brought you Saw IV, V and VI (not even the good ones) comes this horror film about a crazed killer that likes to collect bodies. I think that's what he does. The movie only suggested that part very slightly. He goes to people's homes and sets crazy booby traps so nobody will escape. (How he sets these things so perfectly and in such little time I'll never know). I'm not sure why I even bothered watching this movie. This is a genre that hasn't impressed me since the original Saw. But, after saying that, I was pleasantly surprised by the quite strength of the main character, played by Josh Stewart. I could kind of relate to him as an everyday guy trying to do right by his family, as misguided as that "right" would be. He succeeded in bringing empathy to his character, which most of these sorts of movies always forget about. (If you don't care for the main character, why would you care if he/she gets murdered??). Sure there's lots of blood and inventive killing methods, but that kind of thing doesn't impress me anymore. Better than I thought, but I started with a very low bar!

GRADE: C-

Tuesday Movie Reviews

Even though it was a very rough weekend for me and my wife I decided I needed a little escape, and movies are soooo good at providing that. So here are three that I was able to get through on the weekend.....

Valentine's Day
Starring: EVERYBODY!!! including Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Biel, Jamie Foxx, Julia Roberts, Jessica Alba, Bradley Cooper, Hector Elizondo, Shirley MacLaine, etc.
Directed by Garry Marshall

I believe only Garry Marshall could get so many big names to be in his movies. He has a reputation for being very easy to work with and has made a bunch of enjoyable, if bland, movies including The Flamingo Kid, Pretty Woman and The Princess Diaries. His newest film is much of the same, enjoyable but without a lot of substance. We follow numerous stories that all bleed together in one way or another, all around February 14th. Some characters find love, some lose it, and some vow never to look for it again. There are no surprises here, everything plays out the way you think it would. That's not a bad thing when we're talking about romantic comedies. There is a sense of satisfaction when things turn out like they're supposed to in this genre. I can't say anything bad about this movie because it was just there, so I can't say anything real good about it either. It's a nice waste of 2 hours.

GRADE: B-

Invictus
Starring: Morgan Freeman, Matt Damon
Directed by Clint Eastwood

Matt Damon has shown me that he can act in just about anything, from the great action of the Bourne series, to his comic genius in The Informant, to this film playing the captain of the South African rugby team that shocked the world by winning the Rugby World Cup back in 1995. He was great, and his accent was spot on. Morgan Freeman was his usual great self playing Nelson Mandela, who thought that the sport of rugby could bring his troubled nation together. Turns out he was right, for a brief moment in history. The story of how he inspires this team and his staff is put to the celluloid with the expertise of Clint Eastwood, who I don't think has made a bad movie since the 1980's. Even though the World Cup scenes look great and totally believable, I can see how some people could get bored with them. Otherwise, a good watch, and an important film to see.

GRADE: B+

The Messenger
Starring: Ben Foster, Woody Harrelson, Samantha Morton, Steve Buscemi
Directed by: Oren Moverman

Woody Harrelson received an Oscar nomination for his role in this film, and I think it was deserved, although I've seen him play similar characters in the past. Make no mistake, this is Ben Foster's movie. He is an unbelievable actor, a little scary at times even. (If you have seen him in Alpha Dog then you know what I mean). Foster plays a war hero with three months left in his service. He gets assigned to the Death Angels, men who have the wonderful task of telling people that a close relative has been killed in battle. It's a hard job, and he doesn't want it, but goes along with it. Woody is the veteran and commanding officer of the group, and he has a few inner turmoil problems that need dealing with. They are both good, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Foster. Samantha Morton is great as well, but only in the movie for about 20 minutes total. The film itself is purely a character study and, as such, gets a little boring at times. I found the ending wholly unsatisfying, but the movie is definitely worth a look for the performances.

GRADE: B+

Ode To A "Pet"

On Friday, May 14th at approximately 6:00pm my wife and I said goodbye to our beloved dog, Saffy (real name Saffron). It was the first time I had to put down a pet due to old age and sickness, and let me tell you, it was absolutely, without a doubt, the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I haven't cried like that...ever! Not even when a human relative died!! She was the light of our lives and she will be sorely missed.
A little background on the best dog that ever lived. My wife, Denise, took her in after a friend from the Humane Society found her roaming the streets alone. We never knew her real age, but Denise and the vet assumed she was about 2 years old at the time. She was timid to start off, but became incredibly loyal quite quickly. At this time, Denise was living with a friend of mine and I only saw Saffy occasionally. This was 14 years ago. I started dating Denise four years later. When I came back from Vancouver, I came to stay with Denise and my friend until I could find a place on my own. Saffy nearly killed me that day...not really. She came flying through the screen door, right through the screen, barking and baring her teeth, what few teeth she had. As soon as she realized it was me, she was as apologetic as a dog could be. I loved her for that.
She was easily the smartest dog I knew. She would seem to understand everything that was said to her. She had an attitude which only enhanced her personality. She would quietly growl when she was happy, kinda like a cat purring. She stunk to high heaven, but I find I miss that smell when I come home now. She would bring her food into the living room where Denise and I eat, one mouthful at a time, just so she could eat with us. She hated other dogs, especially ones that were off leash. She would chase squirrels, cats, raccoons, and just about anything else that moved. If you held a tennis ball in your hand, you were the ruler of her world! I unconditionally loved that girl, and she unconditionally loved us. I wish I could stop thinking about her last moments and remember all the great times I had with her, but I guess that will take some time. I love you, Saffy, and always will!

Sorry Roy

So I heard yesterday from a friend of mine that the Blue Jays/Phillies series at the end of June had been cancelled, shifted to Philadelphia. I almost cried, after some furious stomping around. The stupid G-20 Summit was the cause, too many security issues. For Christ's Sake!!!!
If you know me at all, you know that I'm a HUGE baseball fan. I love everything about the game. I'll watch it, play it, read about it, dream about it. I was saddened when my beloved Toronto Blue Jays traded away their ace pitcher, and perhaps the best pitcher in baseball, Roy Halladay to the Philadelphia Phillies. I realized that Roy couldn't stay with a team that was yet again "re-building". He served 12 great years as our number one player and I think I speak for Blue Jays fans everywhere that we wish him nothing but the best on a team that could conceivably win the World Series. My sadness turned to utter joy when I saw the Blue Jays schedule for the 2010 season...the Phillies were going to play a three game series at the Rogers Centre. WooHoo!!! Halladay would no doubt pitch in one of those games, even if the team had to break the rotation. As soon as tickets went on sale I spent nearly $400 on tickets for the Saturday and Sunday games (I was hedging my bets that Halladay would start one of those games). I was so happy that the Toronto fans could give Halladay the ovation and the thank you he deserved, and I wanted to be a part of it.
Now this. According to Bud Selig and Paul Beeston, the decision to have the games played in Philadelphia would be in the best interest of everyone involved, including the fans. FUCK THAT!!! Sure, I'll get a full refund for my tickets, but I won't get to see the one game I wanted to this year. The Jays, who have been struggling to get even 10,000 fans to game this year, would have guaranteed themselves at least 100,000 tickets sold for that three game series. I can't say I blame the decision on anyone in baseball. My friends and I had speculated that this may happen. I now hate, hate, HATE Stephen Fucking Harper. His insistence in bringing this Summit to Toronto has and will screw up this city for a very long time. Never mind the sheer cost of the damn thing, but it will absolutely cripple the downtown core for weeks. Businesses will shut down, everyone will be on high alert for terrorist activity, nobody is going to want to go anywhere. And why??? So that Toronto can be seen as a major political city in Canada, or the world? We already are!! I know that Canadians think people from Toronto think that they are at the centre of the nation. Well let's face it, we are! We don't need to exploit our city anymore than it already is. I hate you Stephen Harper!!!
Anyway, sorry Roy. You would have received a rousing ovation for sure. You deserve it and I hope you go all the way with the Phillies. Now I have to see about planning a road trip to Philadelphia at the end of June...anybody wanna come?

No Problem, Mon!

So I get back from Negril, Jamaica on Friday night and I'm welcomed with cold, torrential rain! Thanks, Mother Nature. I have to tell you that the terrible weather took away a little bit of my sheer joy I had thanks to my fantastic vacation in Negril. If you're looking for a vacation where all you want to do is lay on the beach, read a little, take a nap, drink and eat A LOT, and be entertained by some of the friendliest people you'll ever encounter, start saving you $$ and buy a week at The Grand Resort & Spa (formerly The Grand Lido). I've only been to three all-inclusive places (Cayo Coco, Cuba and Hualtuco, Mexico being the other two) and this joint is easily number one on the list.

Let's start with our arrival. It was a two hour bus ride to Negril from the airport in Montego Bay, so when we got to the resort I had to pee something awful. We are told to sit on the nice couch-type-seats in the lobby and give our itinerary to one of the staff. I got the wife to this as I went to empty my bladder. When I got back, I had a nice cold rum punch waiting for me (brought to my seat, not asked for). Two minutes later we were checked in and showed to our room. Other places had us line up for half an hour to check in. Our room was not huge, but nicely laid out, with a king size bed, a flat screen TV (with satellite receiving, we even watched Canadian shows on it!), a step down to a little couch and dresser, and french doors that opened up to a great view of the water (Atlantic Ocean or Caribbean Sea, I don't really know). We got settled, walked to the bar and started to drink a little. In a couple of hours we enjoyed our first buffet dinner and saw some live entertainment. Two notes here - first the food. The taste and quality of the food I've had at the previous two resorts I'd been to were, at best, ok. The food here was, in a word, unbelievable! From the breakfast and lunch buffets to the occasional dinner buffet to the a la carte restaurants I didn't have a bad meal in 7 days. Great variety, perfectly cooked and totally scrumptious! We even went to a Japanese restaurant that had the whole cook-at-the-grill-in-front-of-you deal, cooked by a Jamaican dude no less! It was great! Second note - the entertainment. Every night there was something going on in the main dinner area. The "house" band was phenomenal! They very apparently had played together for a very long time. The first singer we saw sounded like Eartha Kitt. She was fabulous. We also saw the coolest steel drum band from a local high school, and a staff/visitors talent show. I thoroughly enjoyed myself every night. The weather was gorgeous...32 degrees every day. It did rain a few days, but only for an hour or so in the afternoon, which was really a welcome relief. The staff were incredibly professional, friendly, often hilariously funny and attentive to your every need. This is the place to go, people. There were tons of things to do if you wanted to (watersports, volleyball, a gym, tennis, excursions) but my wife and I were very content with doing nothing! Actually, I was just looking forward to "sleeping in" til 9am. (I made it to 8:30 once).

Now, something that has now disturbed me and worries me. I was asked by no less than 30 different locals if I "smoked, mon". The first couple times I said yes, I smoke cigarettes, thinking they wanted to bum one off me. But no, they wanted to know if I liked "the ganja". The first time I was asked was by the porter at the airport that took our bags to the bus!! I was asked by the bus driver himself! I was asked by a few of the janitorial staff at the resort! I was getting a little bit sick of it, especially since nobody we talked to seemed to be asked nearly as much as I was. I thought maybe pot was legal in Jaimaica, but it ain't. I have absolutely no problem with people toking up, but it became a little bothersome. I began thinking it was a certain way I looked. Added to this thought is the fact that I've been "randomly selected" at airport security the last three times I've flown somewhere!! The first time was on my way to Florida in April. I got pat down from head to toe, checked for drug residue in my pockets and baseball cap no less. Then on the way to Jamaica we had one of our carry on bags rummaged through. Then coming home, in the Montego Bay airport, they had me open one of my suitcases so they could go through it. What the hell is up?!?!? Is it the goatee? Is it the clothes I wear? Is it my great physique???? (It can't be that one!!) Anyway, just thought you'd all like to know about the troubles I encounter in my life. It's weird, mon!