Lyrics Quiz 1970's Part II

So, even though only a few people actually decided to check out the first part of my lyrics quiz, I will continue to put more up...because I want to damn it!  Here is Part 2, songs from 1974 to 1976.  There will be a link to the answers at the bottom of the page, but if you are actually doing this quiz, try to hold off until the very end.








111. But there ain't no use in pretending, it could happen to us any day.

112. Oh, I'm reaching out for something, touching nothing's all I ever do.

113. It seems they cannot leave their dream, there's something moving in the sidewalk steam.

114. Hold me darlin' come on listen to me, I won't do you no harm.

115. Turn on your light and stay with me a while, and ease your worried mind.

116. Gotta get down to it, soldiers are cutting us down.

117. And he walked away but his smile never dimmed, he said "I'm gonna be like him, yeah".

118. Walking down the street, shooting people that I meet with my rubber Tommy water gun.

119. It seems to me I could live my life a lot better than I think I am.

120. Would it be enough for your cheating heart if I broke down and cried?  If I cried?

121. Freedom came my way one day, and I started out of town.

122. Lord they get me off so much, they pick me up when I'm feeling blue.

123. Snuggled in, said "Baby one more kiss", she said "No, no, no.  Romance ain't keeping me alive".

124. Well if it rains, I don't care, don't make no difference to me.

125. At the good ole rock and roll road show, I gotta go.

126. Fate comes a-knockin', doors start lockin', your old time connection, change your direction.

127. She took me to her doctor, and he told me of a cure.

128. Touching her skin, feeling silky smooth, color of cafe au lait.

129. I have a friend in town, he's heard your name, we can go out driving on Slow Hand Road.

130. You know, well you know you had it coming to you, now there's not a lot I can do.

131. You've got that touch so gentle and sweet, but you've got that look so critical.

132. I'm a tiger when I want love, but I'm a snake if we disagree.

133. You love bands when they're playing hard, you want more and you want it fast.

134. I entertain by picking brains, sell my soul by dropping names.

135. Touching you so warm and tender, Lord I feel such a sweet surrender.

136. Just one look and I can hear a bell ring, one more look and I forget everything.

137. So if I call you, don't make a fuss, don't tell your friends about the two of us.

138. So the world is spinning faster, are you dizzy when you're stoned?  Let the music be your master.

139. Well, late at night when the people were gone, he used to pick up my guitar.

140. Well, I have to follow you, though you didn't want me to.

141. Is it any wonder you are too cool to fool?

142. Well, I've always had a deep respect, and I mean the most sincerely.

143. Quiet and pensive, my thoughts apprehensive, the hours drift away.

144. Talkin' jivey, poison ivy, you ain't gonna cling to me.

145. Whenever this world is cruel to me I got you to help me forgive.

146. She is like a cat in the dark and then she is the darkness.

147. All of the things that you learned from fears, nothing is left but the years.

148. When there's nothing left to believe in, still you're coming back, you're running back, you're coming back for more.

149. Face to face, toe to toe, heart to heart as we hit the floor.

150. Baby, baby, I'll meet you, same place, same time.

151. I don't feel you but I know you're around, I can feel you 'cause I feel the sound.

152. There's a hole in my head where the rain comes in, you took my body and played to win.

153. Electricity starts to flow and my indicator starts to glow.

154. Americano got the sleepy eye but his body's still shaking like a live wire, sleepy senorita with the eyes on fire.

155. Fly me away to the bright side of the moon, and meet me on the other side.

156. And I was standing on the side of the road, rain falling on my shoes.

157. I've been bad, I've been good, Dallas, Texas, Hollywood.

158. I'd kinda like to be the President, so I can show you how your money's spent.

159. The road I cruise is a bitch now, baby, but no you can't turn me 'round.

160. I'm not the kind of man who tends to socialize, I seem to lean on old familiar ways.

161. You know the rhythm is right.  You know the rhythm is right.

162. I must have been through about a million girls.

163. If you choose to you can live your life alone, some people choose the city.

164. Well I was stranded in the jungle trying to take in all the heat they was giving.

165. Was it somethin' that somebody said?  Mama I know we broke the rules.

166. From the tattoo on her left leg, and the garter on her right.

167. We sweat and laugh and scream here, 'cause life is just a dream here.

168. I've been one poor correspondent and I've been too, too hard to find.

169. There's no escape from the music in the whole damn street.

170. If you feel like leaving, you know you can go, but why don't you wait until tomorrow.

171. She keeps naggin' at you night and day, enough to drive you nuts.

172. So still I kept on fighting, well, losing every step of the way.

173. The mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth, from the Earth.........

174. Moon appears to shine and light the sky with the help of some firefly.

175. Eager for action and hot for the game, the coming attraction, the drop of a name.

176. Came the last night of sadness and it was clear that she couldn't go on.

177. But just because a record has a groove doesn't make it in the groove.

178. So if you please, get on your knees, there are no bills, there are no fees.

179. I get down on my knees and I start to pray till the tears run down from my eyes.

180. And go-kart Mozart was checking out the weather chart to see if it was safe outside.

181. Hello, how are you, have you been alright, through all those lonely nights.

182. Get out in the field, put the mule in the stable, Ma she's a-cookin', put the eats on the table.

183. Shake it up, shake it down, move it in, move it round.

184. Winter nights we sang in tune, played inside the months of moon.

185. We've both played that game before, say I love then say goodbye.

186. They're piling in the backseat, they're generating steam heat.

187. Tonight there's gonna be trouble, some of us won't survive.

188. I've seen all the movie stars in their fancy cars and their limousines.

189. Rocking chairs and summer fairs and swimming in the sea.

190. We've been together since way back when, sometimes I never want to see you again.

191. Now you're climbin' to the top of the company ladder, hope it doesn't take too long.

192. Ain't got no gun, ain't got no knife, don't you start no fight.

193. We want to pin this triple murder on him, he ain't no Gentleman Jim.

194. I'm not afraid of you running away, honey, I've got the feeling you won't.

195. I put my head on her shoulder, she says "Tell me all your troubles".

196. We could tear the house down, we could tear the house down, we could tear the whole house down, wooo.

197. I used her and she used me, but neither one cared, we were gettin' our share.

198. Wherever people live together, tied in poverty's despair.

199. Don't you know, don't you know, that it's wrong to take what is given you.

200. On a stormy sea of moving emotion, tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean


Okey dokey, there are some selections from 1974 to 1976.  Enjoy and leave a comment if the songs challenged you, or if you thought they were too easy.  Part III will be along soon!!

Here's the link for the answer page: http://lyricsquiz.blogspot.ca/2014/08/lyrics-quiz-part-ii-answers.html

Great Singers

So, as I was preparing my 1970's lyrics quiz, I got to thinking about some of my favourite bands and, more specifically, singers.  People enjoy music for a whole myriad of reasons, but I always go back to two things - a great guitar riff and/or a singer that cuts me to my soul.  I've talked about some of my fave bands before, so now I will detail why the following singers are my cream of the crop.  I've seen other lists that rate singers which include people like Bob Dylan and Roy Orbison and such.  I can't stand listening to Dylan sing!  I love a lot of his music, as, lyrically, he was phenomenal.  But that voice is so irritating; I wouldn't put him in the top 500 best singers.  Roy Orbison did have a great, technical voice, but it never really got to me.  That's why the following list is my opinion only.  I will not rank these singers; instead I'll list them alphabetically.  Agree or disagree, but I hope I might turn you on to listen to some of these great artists more often.  The (#) beside their name is where Rolling Stone magazine ranked them in their Top 100 Singers Of All Time:

Eric Burdon (#57) - 1960 to the present - Known for The Animals and War

When I heard the story about the song "The House Of The Rising Sun" I couldn't believe it.  Eric Burdon, some white soul-singer from England, and his band of Animals, stepped into a recording studio on May 18, 1964 to record their version of a traditional song that had, and has, been covered by dozens, if not hundreds, of other artists.  It took one take...ONE TAKE...to record the version that everybody knows as the definitive version of the song.  Burdon was only 23 years old at the time.  The rawness and soulfulness of his voice was mesmerizing, not to mention the incredible organ that accompanies him.  From here I decided to listen to all the Animals I could, buying CD's and compilations that included them.  I could listen to "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood", "We Got To Get Out Of This Place", "Monterey" and "Don't Bring Me Down" all day!  Burdon went on to join War in 1969, coming out with more great songs like "Spill The Wine" and a remake of The Rolling Stones' "Paint It Black".  His voice, still to this day, is unwavering and incredibly soulful.  Here's something I found on YouTube from early in his career:

Sam Cooke (#4) - 1951 to 1964

"Darling you-uuuuu, send me.  I know that you-uuuu send me.  Honest you do, honest you do, honest you do, whoa-ou-whoa-ou-oh"!!  I did not know who Sam Cooke was for a great many years of my life.  I feel now that those years were incomplete.  It is so much better having heard the voice of one of the best soul singers ever!  This man was number one, the best, inspiring such singers as Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder, Otis Redding and Marvin Gaye - all of whom will be on this list!  "Twisting The Night Away" makes me smile every time I hear it.  "A Change Is Gonna Come", in my opinion, is one of the best vocals ever recorded, and it's been covered a million times.  (Well, maybe not a million, but a lot).  The great talent of this man was, like Marvin Gaye after him, his incredible ease of sending those sweet tones out through the air; it was like it was second nature.  Sam Cooke was cut down early, shot to death by the manager of a Los Angeles hotel when he was just 33 years old.  The official story was justifiable homicide, but many believed the manager, Bertha Franklin, conspired with others to murder the singer.  Either way, the world lost a magnificent talent on December 11, 1964.  Here's Cooke at his finest:

Chris Cornell - 1984 to the present - Known for Soundgarden and Audioslave

So lets talk a little about the Grunge movement in the late 1980's and early 1990's.  Most people attribute the success to this style of music to Nirvana and their lead singer Curt Kobain.  Yeah, they were good, lots of angst and stuff.  But if you wanted to hear raw talent, a voice that shredded your heart and your ears at the same time, you needed to listen to Soundgarden.  Heavier than Nirvana, most Grunge wannabes didn't really focus on Chris Cornell and his band.  I was different.  Chris Cornell grabbed me by the balls and squeezed the minute I heard his voice.  Soundgarden's second label album, Badmotorfinger, was one of the first CDs that I completely wore out.  I had to buy a second copy.  (And they say CDs don't deteriorate).  I loved Kim Thayil's blistering guitar, but it was Cornell's wailing that hooked me quick.  "Outshined" was MY song of 1991.  "Jesus Christ Pose". "Rusty Cage".  Fabulous.  Then came their next album, Superunknown, and Cornell got to flex his vocal muscles even more.  "Spoonman", "Black Hole Sun", "Kickstand", hit after hit.  But if you want to hear how great this man is, listen to "Fell On Black Days" or "The Day I Tried To Live" off of that album.  Cornell has gone on to front other bands and do some great solo work, but I will always remember him, and the way he made me feel, in those early days of the Seattle Sound.  Here's Soundgarden live in 1994:

Bruce Dickinson - 1976 to the present - Known for Iron Maiden

In 1981, the heavy metal band Iron Maiden lost their lead singer due to stress within the band and a dispute with their manager.  A 23-year old came in to audition for the vacant job.  After recording three or four songs in studio, Bruce Dickinson was hired, and the legend started.  I realize not a lot of people think of great singers in the heavy metal genre; most thinking that its just a lot of screaming and wailing.  Well Bruce Dickinson can scream and wail with the best of them, but in such a way that its not at all irritating or painful.  He can hold notes longer than any singer anyone can name.  I don't know a lot about octaves or perfect pitch, but it has been said that Dickinson can hit a lot of them (octaves) and has it (perfect pitch).  All I know is the man can sing!  I have to say I haven't been a huge fan of Iron Maiden, as I only know of their early work in the 1980's, but I can say it was because of Dickinson's phenomenal voice that got me interested.  "The Number Of The Beast", "Hallowed Be Thy Name", "Run To The Hills" and "The Trooper" are all emblazoned in my brain and ears.  Take a listen to Dickinson's unwavering voice here after two hours of power vocals:

Aretha Franklin (#1) - 1956 to the present

I'm not sure what else can be said about the "Queen Of Soul".  She is regarded by many as the best female singer to ever live.  According to Rolling Stone magazine, she is the cream of the crop, number one singer on their list of the top 100 of all-time.  It's easy to see, or hear for that matter.  Aretha can belt out a song with so much power that it's almost overwhelming.  She started recording at the age of 18 in 1960, but didn't become the Queen until 1967 when she released such songs as "Think", "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" and "Respect".  She soon became the most charted female artist on the Billboard RandB charts, including twenty number one songs.  According to people that worked with her for many years, she never sang a song the same way twice.  In fact, it's funny to watch the extras on one of The Blues Brothers DVD's.  Apparently Aretha's scene in the diner was incredibly hard to film because she kept on changing the way she would lip-sync to the song "Think".  John Landis, the director, said the editing took forever!  Still, to this day, when Aretha Franklin sings, people stop and listen.  Here she is in all her soulful glory: 

Marvin Gaye (#6) - 1961 to 1984

Smooth.  Soulful.  Silky.  Stupendous.  Just a few words to describe who, I think, was the greatest singer of our time.  Marvin's voice was an inspiration to every soul singer that followed him, and probably every folk, rock and heavy metal singer, too!  He had a string of hits in the 1960's with "I Heard It Through The Grapevine", "How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)", "Too Busy Thinking About My Baby" along with some wonderful duets with Tammi Terrell ("Ain't No Mountain High Enough", "Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing"), Kim Weston ("It Takes Two") and Mary Wells ("What's The Matter With You Baby").  But it was the early 1970's that Marvin Gaye became the Prince Of Soul, releasing monster hits like "Let's Get It On", "Mercy, Mercy Me (The Ecology)" and "What's Goin' On".  You can "feel" every word he sings...the pain, the pleasure, the pure enjoyment of it all.  Marvin was famously gunned down on April Fool's Day, 1984, by his father with a gun that was given to him by Marvin the previous Christmas.  He was a day away from his 45th birthday.  The world lost a great talent that day, but his songs live on, and will continue to live on for many centuries to come!  I often say there are three rules that need to be heeded when out singing karaoke - 1: never try to sing "The House Of The Rising Sun" because of it's perfect first take recording; 2: never try to sing a Queen song because no one can emulate the flair and talent of Freddie Mercury, and 3: never, NEVER, try to sing any Marvin Gaye song because you cannot improve on it!  Here is the best singer to ever live singing in front of a bunch of soulless white folk:

Whitney Houston (#34) - 1977 to 2012

So now I'm showing my eclectic taste in music, ain't I ?  Miss Houston was never one of my favourite singers because of what she sang, but there is no denying she had one of the most magical voices ever! I know a lot of people compare Whitney to Mariah, coming up at the same time in the mid 1980's, similar types of pop songs and so on, but I always thought Whitney's voice was superior.  (And I couldn't stand that high pitched squeal from Mariah!).  Even though she had been singing all her life (she sang backup on Chaka Khan's "I'm Every Woman" at the age of 14!), she really became a superstar in 1985 with the release of her first solo album Whitney Houston.  Mega-hits from that record included "Saving All My Love For You", "You Give Good Love", "Greatest Love Of All" and the ever-popular, up-beat "How Will I Know".  She was a natural; singing, starring in music videos, live performances...all were amazing.  One of her only downfalls was her acting ability.  In 1992 she starred with Kevin Costner in "The Bodyguard", a movie roundly panned by critics, but loved by any woman over the age of 30.  Although her performance was horrible, the song "I Will Always Love You" was a monster hit, and she sang the Hell out of it!  It was around this time she met and married Bobby Brown, another downfall of hers, as their relationship would be fodder for the tabloids for nearly 20 years.  On February 11, 2012, Whitney Houston was found in her bathtub, submerged under the water in an apparent drowning.  It was a huge loss, a complete shock to everybody.  She will be remembered as one of the greatest singers of all time, and I always will go back to her Super Bowl XXV performance, in 1991, as the reason why I thought she was one of the best!  Enjoy:

Janis Joplin (#28) - 1962 to 1970

Not everyone likes Janis Joplin.  She lived hard and fast and made no apologies for her recklessness.  I get it.  But how anybody can deny her being one of the most soulful, powerful singers of the 1960's is beyond me!  Everything she sang, she put everything she had into it.  Her incredible power came through in every album she recorded.  Janis did a lot of solo acts in Texas and San Francisco early in her career, but it was in 1966, when she got together with Big Brother And The Holding Company, that people really started to take interest.  The band's first album was released in August of 1967, just after their breakout performance at the Monterey Pop Festival.  It was there that a relatively still unknown Joplin blew everyone away.  Major hits followed; "Down On Me", "Ball And Chain", "Summertime", "Me And Bobby McGee" and the song everyone associates with Janis, "Piece Of My Heart".  In 1969, Janis was asked to sing at a little concert known as Woodstock.  She had no idea of the size of the crowd when the helicopter that taxied her there flew over.  She became very nervous, and, during a ten hour wait before she went on, shot some heroin and drank like a fish.  As a result, many view her performance that night as sub-par.  Others have said that a Janis Joplin who is not "on" is still remarkable!  On October 4, 1970, Joplin was found dead in her hotel room in Hollywood.  She had overdosed on heroin, compounded by alcohol.  She was in the spotlight for only a few years, but her legacy as one of the greatest soul/rock voices of all-time has stood the test of time.  Here is Joplin's break-out performance in Monterey that just drops my jaw every time I watch it:

Annie Lennox (#93) - 1976 to present - Known for Eurythmics

I remember the first time I saw the video for "Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)" on MuchMusic.  I was about 12 years old and I was both frightened and intrigued by the woman on my television.  She had short red hair, dressed like a dude, and could belt out a song like nobody's business!  I immediately became a big fan, following the Eurythmics meteoric rise to fame.  Huge hits followed; "Who's That Girl", "Here Comes The Rain Again", "Would I Lie To You", "Missionary Man" to name just a few.  When Lennox and Dave Stewart decided to stop making music together she turned to a very successful solo career.  This is where, in my opinion, she really began to shine.  Without the normal, heavy industrial music that accompanied her with Eurythmics, we could now make out what is one of the most beautiful voices around.  She had a huge hit when she teamed up with Al Green with "Put A Little Love In Your Heart", but her first solo album, Diva, really elevated her to superstar status.  More big hits followed; "Walking On Broken Glass" and "Why" being the biggest.  Although she doesn't make many live appearances anymore, and we don't hear a lot about her like we did twenty years ago, every time she does appear is a special moment.  No matter what she sings, she gives it her all and always sounds incredible.  Below is from Arista Records' 25th Anniversary show.  This video will hopefully show why I think this woman is one of the best around!

Freddie Mercury (#18) - 1969-1991 - Known for Queen

If you know me at all, you know how I feel about Freddie Mercury.  There was, nor possibly will never be, a rock showman like him.  He was a marvel to behold!  I never saw him perform live, but I've seen dozens of Queen's live shows on VHS, DVD and YouTube, and I am amazed at his power and presence every single time.  That would be something for a mediocre singer, but Mercury was absolutely the farthest thing from mediocre.  He was simply phenomenal!  Technically, Mercury had a four-octave range, which I hear is pretty good when it comes to singing.  His vocal range apparently went from bass low-F to soprano high-F.  I have absolutely no idea what that means, but people who do know were impressed.  All I knew was I loved it, and the louder, the better!  From Queen's very first album, Queen, released in 1973, everybody knew Mercury was a force to be reckoned with.  Monster hits came out year after year; "Keep Yourself Alive", "Bohemian Rhapsody", "Somebody To Love", "Fat Bottomed Girls", "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" and so on and so on.  Queen's and Mercury's lasting legacy will probably be the sports anthem "We Are The Champions" which, in my opinion, is not one of their best songs.  But if it introduces younger audiences to the magic that was Freddie, it's all good.  Tragically, Freddie Mercury died from complications arising from the AIDS virus on November 24, 1991.  He was only 45 years old and had many more years of entertaining the masses ahead of him.  It is one of my all-time regrets that I was never able to see him perform live, but, luckily, the invention of YouTube allows me to watch him anytime I want!  Enjoy!

Steve Perry (#76) - 1961 to the present - Known for Journey

"The Voice", a nickname given to Steve Perry by Jon Bon Jovi.  Rock stars loved him, aspiring singers wanted to sing like him.  For good reason, he was simply amazing!  He was responsible for turning the band Journey into a monster success after five years of mediocrity.  His power and showmanship made Journey one of the biggest bands of the era, starting in 1978 with the release of the album Infinity.  Big hits off that album included "Wheel In The Sky" and "Lights", but many more were to follow.  For the next ten years, with Perry belting out the tunes, Journey had multiple hits and sold out huge arenas.  Some hits included "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'", "Any Way You Want It", "Whose Crying Now", "Open Arms" and the ever-popular "Don't Stop Believin'".  Perry dabbled with solo albums as well, which led to his departure from Journey.  His biggest success came with "Oh, Sherrie", a song written for his then girlfriend Sherrie Swafford.  Perry has lived pretty much out of the spotlight for a number of years.  His very occasional appearances remind everyone who hears him why he was so special.  Lately, rumours have been escalating about a reunion tour, but Journey has maintained some success with their current lead singer Arnel Pineda, a singer who sounds almost identical to Perry.  If it ever happens, I'll be in line to hear this fabulous singer live.  Here's an early sample of Perry's great voice:

Robert Plant (#15) - 1965 to the present - known for Led Zeppelin and The Honeydrippers

"Hey, hey mama said the way you move gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove".  If you can listen to Robert Plant belt out that line and not get hooked, there has to be something wrong with you.  There have been very few rock singers that have been able to convey such soul, such sexuality, such sheer power like Mr. Plant.  When he and Jimmy Page got together to form what was to become Led Zeppelin, they changed the face of rock music forever.  The way the two of them played off of each other was somewhat otherworldly.  Plant was always able to match the ever increasing screams from Page's guitar, and it never sounded strained.  He could sing a soft song as unforgettably as he belted out the heaviest Zeppelin tunes.  When the greatest rock band ever broke up (following the untimely death of their drummer, John Bonham), Plant spent some time making solo albums, then formed The Honeydrippers, a band that, at certain times, had members such as Page, Jeff Beck and Paul Shaffer.  Plant toned down his heavy rock vocals to sing such classics as "Sea Of Love" and "Rockin' At Midnight", and still sounded great.  In recent years, when Zeppelin has played together again, Plant's voice has sounded a little strained, unable to reach those impossible high notes he did in the '70's.  But there can be no mistaking the lasting impression he made on millions of Led-heads, including yours truly.  The video below shows Zeppelin at, what I feel, is their absolute best.  Watch how Plant plays off of Page's phenomenal guitar playing.  This is probably the heaviest blues you'll hear, and it sends a chill down my spine every time! 

Elvis Presley (#3) - 1953 to 1977

I suppose there is nothing I can add to the legend that is Elvis, but I'll try to explain why I think he was the most important figure in rock history.  He had a lot of people around him in the early years, session musicians and sound engineers, that knew he had a great voice for slow, gospel-type songs.  But when those around him started looking back on some of the great blues music made years before, they knew they could update the sound and let Elvis go.  What followed was the birth of Rock N' Roll!  Hit after hit came out of Sun Records studios; "Hound Dog", "Heartbreak Hotel", "Don't Be Cruel", "Jailhouse Rock", and literally dozens more.  He ended up having no less than 31 number one songs in the US and the UK.  His voice and his stage presence was like none other and sparked hundreds of imitators.  (Would there have been a Tom Jones without Elvis??).  He was so popular that the movies came calling, even though he had no training as an actor.  He made over 30 movies, every one of them a huge success.  He was the first singer that I loved and imitated, even in his later, fatter years, he could still belt out his songs and make thousands of women cry.  We sometimes think of Elvis as just an icon, someone bigger than all of us, and he was.  But what we sometimes forget is just how great a singer he was.  Here's a little Elvis from his remarkable "Comeback Special" from 1968: 

Otis Redding (#8) - 1958 to 1967

The world didn't even know who Otis Redding was until 1962, and he was only around for another five years before his untimely death.  But in that short time, Redding became one of the premiere soul singers around.  Just like Marvin Gaye, you can feel every emotion emanating from his soul when he sings.  His breakout song was "These Arms Of Mine", recorded in 1962, which became one of his most successful selling singles.  The string of fabulous recordings kept growing; "Mr. Pitiful", "I've Been Loving You Too Long", "Respect", "Tramp", "(Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay".  But the lasting impression of Otis Redding, for me, will always be his hit "Try A Little Tenderness".  His slow delivery at the start, the power that begins to overtake you, the "got-ta, got-ta, got-ta", it's one of the most remarkable recordings ever.  And to listen to him sing it live is bone-chillingly great.  Although he died at age 26, he left us with some of the best soul music to come out of the '60's, songs that people still listen to and sing to this day.  I know when I'm in a bad mood I can always turn to my Otis Redding songs to make me happy!  Here is the "King Of Soul" doing his thing, and I don't know how anybody wouldn't want to get up and dance:

Smokey Robinson (#20) - 1955 to the present - Known for The Miracles

Smokey Robinson is Motown, quite literally!  Robinson and his Miracles met Barry Gordy in 1957.  They became friends and Smokey suggested Gordy should start his own record label.  Motown was born and The Miracles were one of the first acts signed, churning out the label's first million-selling record, "Shop Around" in 1960.  Smokey's eloquence, his soft delivery, was largely why The Miracles became such a success.  He could melt the hearts of women around the world with his voice.  Silky smooth and full of soul, he was Motown.  The Miracles came out with hit after hit during their time with Barry Gordy; "You've Really Got A Hold On Me", "I Second That Emotion", "The Tracks Of My Tears", "Going To A Go-Go" and their number one hit "Tears Of A Clown".  Smokey left The Miracles in 1972 to focus on a solo career, along with writing and producing some of the finest talent in the world.  It took a few years before Smokey had a solo hit with "Cruisin'", but what was never lost was his fantastic voice.  Here is some early Smokey and The Miracles sounding as good as anything!:

Paul Rodgers (#55) - 1968 to the present - Known for Free and Bad Company

It's one thing to be loved by the music buying public.  It's quite another thing to be loved by your peers, especially in the cutthroat business of Rock N' Roll.  Paul Rodgers has been cited as an inspiration to such rock greats as David Coverdale, Lou Gramm, John Waite, Paul Young and John Mellencamp who called him "the best rock singer ever".  His clear, powerful vocals on such hits as "All Right Now", "Bad Company", "Feel Like Making Love", "Shooting Star" and "Can't Get Enough" are amazing to listen to.  But to watch and hear him live is remarkable.  His voice carries over all the noise behind him and becomes the reason why so many people loved him.  In 2005 he was picked by Brian May and Roger Taylor to tour as a new version of Queen.  After having Freddie Mercury as your frontman, being chosen to lead the group was a huge honour.  He is still going strong, recently releasing an album of R&B standards and touring the UK, sounding as good as ever.  Here's an early live performance by Free, Paul Rodgers in all his soulful rock glory:

Frank Sinatra - 1935 to 1995

Ah, to be Frank Sinatra in the '50's.  Men wanted to be him, women wanted to be with him.  He was the biggest star in the world, with possible ties to the Mafia, meaning nobody could touch him.  What made him so huge?  Was it his charm?  His movie star good looks?  Absolutely, but more than anything was the magnificent voice that came out of him when he crooned.  It didn't matter what he sang; jazz, be-bop, blues, pop...it all sounded great.  "The Lady Is A Tramp", "Come Fly With Me", "Luck Be A Lady", "Summer Wind", and of course "My Way" and "Theme From New York, New York".  Each and every song he sang became a huge hit, not because the songs were so well written, but because HE sang them!  One of my favourite things to do is to listen to Frank on a lazy Sunday afternoon, basking in the beautiful tones.  There are tons of videos showing just how great this man was, but my all time fave that I found on the YouTube is the one that follows, showing not only is incredible talent to sing, but his great acting ability as well:

Rod Stewart (#59) - 1961 to the present - Known for The Jeff Beck Group, Faces, solo

"Rod The Mod" made his way around Europe singing R&B and Blues songs with anybody he could while just a teenager.  At the tender age of 19, he impressed one Long John Baldy, who had him sing in one of his bands.  That was the beginnings of a career that has spanned 50 years.  Some people enjoy listening to Rod Stewart, some can't stand him, but, for me, there is no denying the incredible soulful tones that come out of him when he sings.  When he became the lead singer of The Jeff Beck Group and sang songs such as "I Ain't Superstitious" or "Shapes Of Things" it was easy to tell that he was going to be a huge star.  It was one thing to have one of the best Blues/Rock guitarists in Jeff Beck, but then to have that incredible voice blast out those songs...it was beautiful to behold.  Stewart then moved on to join the Faces with Ronnie Wood, who, of course, would one day start playing with The Rolling Stones.  More rocking soul would follow, and the solo albums started to solidify Stewart's stardom.  "Every Picture Tells A Story", "Maggie May", "(I Know) I'm Losing You", "Tonight's The Night (Gonna Be Alright)", they all felt as good as they sounded.  Although he became more of a "pop" artist later on, that soulful growl was always just underneath.  I found the following video which I think showcases just how great this man's voice is...and watch the lady on the balcony, too:

Donna Summer  - 1968 to 2012

I really never thought too much about Donna Summer growing up.  I was first introduced to her with the song "She Works Hard For The Money", which was a big hit at the time, but never rocked my boat all that much.  It wasn't until I started listening to her back catalogue that I realized the tremendous talent she had.  She was the queen of disco in the '70's, turning such songs as "Bad Girls", "Hot Stuff", "Last Dance" and "MacArthur Park" into monster hits.  But anybody can sound good on record, right? It was checking out more and more live performances online where I start to see just how remarkable a singer Donna Summer was.  It was completely effortless.  Hitting every high note without an ounce of strain.  Lowering her voice with no wavering at all.  It was a sheer joy to listen to.  The following video shows her promoting her movie from 1978 "Thank God It's Friday" which became much better known for the song "Last Dance" than her acting ability (you can watch all the preamble if you want, but I suggest starting at the 2:34 mark):

Steve Winwood (#33) - 1963 to the present - Known for The Spencer Davis Group, Traffic, Blind Faith, solo

I first heard of Steve Winwood when I was about 14 or so.  It was 1986 and he released the multi-platinum album Back In the High Life with such hits as "Higher Love" and "Back In The High Life Again".  I liked those songs, and I thought he had a really good voice.  As I grew older and started to develop my taste in music, I realized this man that also sang the huge hit "Valerie" was one of the most popular singers in the world, starting way back in the '60's when he was just a teenager.  "Gimme Some Lovin'", you know "Well my temperatures rising got my feet on the floor"...that's HIM?!?!?  "I'm a man, yes I am and I can't help but love you so"....that's HIM TOO?!?!?  Winwood was just 14 years old when he joined The Spencer Davis Group and made them a huge success with his soulful voice and wonderful organ playing.  He left them at the tender age of 19 to form Traffic, a hugely influential band from the late 1960's with such hits as "Low Spark Of High Heeled Boys" and "Paper Sun".  In 1969 he got together with Eric Clapton, Ginger Baker and Ric Grech to form Blind Faith, a "supergroup" that recorded only one album, but had an everlasting impact on Blues Rock forever.  Their song "Can't Find My Way Home" exemplifies the awesome vocals of Winwood.  I loved discovering the roots of Winwood's career, and I listen to his early stuff as often as I can.  Here is an incredibly young (16? 17?) Winwood singing "Gimme Some Lovin'":

Stevie Wonder (#9) - 1961 to the present

He started singing for Motown when he was 11 years old.  Since that time he has had more than 30 top ten hits, 22 Grammy wins (the most by any male solo artist) and has sold over 100 million albums.  He plays the piano, the harmonica, the drums and guitar...and he's been blind since shortly after his birth.  Never mind all the accolades, never mind his unbelievably talented instrumentation and lyrics, he can simply just sing the HELL out of a song!  "Sir Duke", "Superstition", "You Are The Sunshine Of My Life", "I Wish", "Living For The City"...the list goes on and on.  He recorded one of the most influential and critically acclaimed albums of all time in Songs In The Key Of Life in 1976.  Even though he became more pop-oriented later in life ("I Just Called To Say I Love You"), you still know in an instant you're listening to a Stevie Wonder song when it's played.  He has one of the most distinctive voices in all of music, still, to this day, and he's only 64!  An absolute "wonder" to behold!  Here he is in the studio re-recording one of his most beloved songs:

Eddie Vedder - 1979 to the present - Known for Pearl Jam

I've talked about how the Seattle grunge movement was a defining time in my youth.  Many loved Kurt Cobain and his band Nirvana, and I'm not saying I didn't, but with regards to powerful, heartfelt vocals, I always preferred Chris Cornell and Eddie Vedder.  When the lead singer of the band Mother Love Bone died from a heroin overdose, they started looking for a new singer.  Vedder heard the news and made a three song demo for the band.  He was hired immediately.  The new formation of the band changed their name to Mookie Blaylock, an NBA player that they liked, but were forced to change their name because of legal actions.  They decided on Pearl Jam, and named their first album Ten, Blaylock's jersey number.  That debut album sold millions of copies (over 10 million as of 2013), and catapulted Vedder and his mates to super-stardom.  Radio hits like "Jeremy", "Alive" and "Even Flow" were all over the place in 1991.  I was hooked.  I bought every Pearl Jam album, for the most part to hear Vedder's awesome vocals.  He could scream like nobody else.  He expressed the angst in his lyrics perfectly.  But more than that, he just sounded freakin' great!  As I listened to more and more Pearl Jam, I realized how much more I liked the slower songs, and the great control that Vedder could show.  One of my favourite songs, Pearl Jam or otherwise, is "Black" from their first album.  Here he is singing that song during a concert in 1992:

So that's the list.  I know there are some singers that you may feel should be included on my list, and I'm open to listening to any suggestions.  But, for me, these are the cream of the crop, the ones that I can listen to over and over again and never get sick of them!

Lyrics Quiz 1970's - Part I

So I've been continuously searching the Internet, for the last few years, for a good "Guess The Song By The Lyrics" quiz.  I found many that had 10 or 15 lyrics which, for me, makes for a boring quiz.  Having so few to figure out makes it far too quick. I found only one that made for a good month worth of thinking:
http://www.inthe70s.com/lyrics_quiz_1.shtml
Instead of continuing to search until my fingers bleed, I've decided to create my own.  What follows is Part I, songs from 1970-1973.  Simply guess the song that the lyric comes from and the artist or band that sings it...ain't so hard.  Some will be easy, but some will test your mental musical library, hopefully until it drives you mad!!  There will be a link at the end of the quiz to the answer page, but try to hold out as long as you can...that's what makes it fun, and maddening!

1. And I don't own the clothes I'm wearing, and the road goes on forever.

2. Don't be angry, don't be sad, don't sit crying over the good times you've had.

3. I saw cotton and I saw black, tall white mansions and little shacks.

4. I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song, I just can't remember who to send it to.

5. And I want to rock your gypsy soul, just like way back in the days of old.

6. Take me to the hotel, baggage gone oh well.

7. Flashing lights against the sky, giving up I close my eyes.

8. Leave the house at six o'clock to be on time, leave the wife and kids at home to make a dime.

9. Open up the window let some air into this room, I think I'm almost chokin' from the smell of stale perfume.

10. What in the world ever became of Sweet Jane?  She lost her sparkle, you know she isn't the same.

11. You don't think that I know your plan, what you tryin' to hand me?

12. You're breaking my heart, you're shaking my confidence daily.

13. Well if you want to be a movie star, I got the ticket to Hollywood.

14. Everybody had a wet dream, everybody saw the sunshine.

15. I've fooled myself long as I can, can feel the presence of another man

16. What I feel, I can't say, but my love is there for you any time of day.

17. I'm telling you now, the greatest thing you ever can do now.

18. I just spent 60 days in the jailhouse, for the crime of having no dough.

19. Never talking, just keeps walking, spreading his magic.

20. She came, then she drove away, sunlight in her hair.

21. And I don't know who I am but life is for learning.

22. Reading and writing, arithmetic, all the branches of the learning tree.

23. I said "Slow down, don't go so fast, don't you think that love can last?".

24. Yes don't turn your back on me baby, stop messin' 'round with your tricks.

25. So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold.

26. If you should fall short of your desires remember life holds for you one guarantee.

27. Induction, then destruction, who wants to die?

28. I stood high on the mountain tops, naked to the world, in front of every kind of girl.

29. We must have died alone, a long long time ago.

30. I can feel the hand of a stranger and it's tightening around my throat.

31. I am leaving, I am leaving but the fighter still remains.

32. But anyone who ever had a heart they wouldn't turn around and break it.

33. I can pull up by the curb, I can make it on the road.

34. Bootleggin' boozer on the west side, full of people who are doing wrong.

35. Life is old there, older than the trees, younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze.

36. Both kids are good to mom, blood's thicker than the mud.

37. Or take me for a ride and strip me everything, including my pride.

38. It used to be so easy living here with you, you were light and breezy and I knew just what to do.

39. Jesus blows up balloons all day, sits on the porch swing watching them fly.

40. I gotta get out of this place, I'll go runnin' in outer space.

41. It's got safety tubes but I ain't scared, brakes are good, tires fair.

42. My dog Sam eats purple flowers, we ain't got much but what we got's ours.

43. Y'all got cocaine eyes, yeah you got speed-freak jive.

44. But the sun is shining down on me and it's here to stay.

45. Straight people don't know what you're about, they put you down and shut you out.

46. So I'll try to see into your eyes right now and stay right here, 'cause these are the good old days.

47. Take a look at the lawman beating up the wrong guy, oh man, wonder if he'll ever know.

48. Got arrested for inciting a peaceful riot, when all I wanted was a cup of tea.

49. And if anybody comes along, he gonna give me love and affection.

50. There's a killer on the road, his brain is squirmin' like a toad.

51. Bring it home, baby, make it soon, I give my love to you.

52. I have hours, only lonely, my love is vengeance that's never free.

53. Oh, but who are they to judge us, simply because our hair is long.

54. I'd rather give my love to a poor guy that has a love that's true (oh yeah)

55. Every time I think I've had enough and start heading for the door.

56. Second time around should be easy, break down the wall between me and you.

57. At Home I find myself lost and all alone, my man is playing the field, the thrill is gone.

58. Drums beating, cold English blood runs hot.

59. Wonder this time where she's gone, wonder if she's gone to stay.

60. No one hears his lonely sighs, there are no blankets where he lies.

61. Black Nepalese, it's got you weak in the knees.

62. We had a lot of luck on Venus, we always had a ball on Mars.

63. But the hangman isn't hangin', and they put you on the street.

64. Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there.

65. But he made it clear he couldn't stay, no harbour was his home.

66. But this voice keeps whispering in my other ear, tells me I may never see you again.

67. When you awake you'll find them on the bed lying beside you.

68. Well I read some books and I read some magazines, about those high class ladies down in New Orleans.

69. I'm your doctor when in need; Want some coke? Have some weed.

70. Talked about saving souls and all the time reachin', dealing in debt and stealing in the name of the Lord.

71. Day after day on that winding road I had walked behind ya.

72. Not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eyes, and I won't be surprised if it's a dream.

73. Now I've drunk a lot of wine and I'm feeling fine, got to race some cat to bed.

74. How can we understand, riots by the people for the people who are only destroying themselves.

75. Think of me, you know that I'd be with you if I could.

76. Before her love I was cruel and mean, had a hole in the place where my heart should have been.

77.  Always in a hurry I never stop to worry, don't you see the time flashin' by.

78. In a couple of days they come and take me away, but the press let the story leak.

79. And I come home from a hard day's work and you're waiting there not a care in the world.

80. I think I can make it now, the pain is gone.  All of the bad feelings have disappeared.

81. Last week he took all my money and it may sound funny but I come to get my money back.

82. So we bitched about his fans and should we crush his sweet hands?

83. Meet me in the country for a day, we'll be happy, and we'll dance.

84. Maybe I might have changed, and not been so cruel, not been such a fool.

85. I think your atmosphere is hurting my eyes, and your concrete mountains are blacking the sky.

86. There he stood, in the night, knowing what's wrong from what's right.

87. I'm in the high fidelity, first class traveling set and I think I need a Lear jet.

88. Talking by Monroe and walking on Snow White, New York's a go-go and everything tastes right.

89. The city of the stars, movies, women and cars, well I guess, I guess I have to stay.

90. You better check it out or someday soon you'll have to climb back on the wagon.

91. She is only three years old, it's a real fine way to start.

92. And I hear it's tight, most every night, but now I might be mistaken.

93. To go to school, she's got to get up early, her clothes are old, but never are they dirty.

94. But what do you expect from a chick who's just sixteen.

95. All the time that you've been waiting, you should feel like celebrating.

96. The sheriff and his buddies with their samurai swords.

97. Well I hear the whistle but I can't go, I'm gonna take her down to Mexico.

98. She died in the dirt of an alleyway, her mother said she had no chance, no chance.

99. Well the undertaker drew a heavy sigh seeing no one else had come.

100. If you get lonely on your daddy's farm, just remember I don't live too far.

101. And giving yourself to me can never be wrong if the love is true.

102. And I'm telling you son, well it ain't no fun, staring straight down a forty-four.

103. Ever since our voyage of love began, your touch has thrilled me like the rush of the wind.

104. The road has got me hypnotized, and I'm speeding into a new sunrise.

105. Seasons crying, no despair, alligator lizards in the air, in the air.

106. We go dancing nightly in the attic while the moon is rising in the sky.

107. On the dry and dusty road, the nights we spend apart alone, I need to get back home

108. Everything looks worse in black and white.

109. Out to pasture, I think it's safe to say, time to open fire.

110. I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will.



Ok, try those out for now.  Again, if you know when songs were released, this list contains those that came out between 1970 and 1973...so that might help, and it might not.  Leave me a note to say how you did, if you like.  Here's the link to the answer page:
http://lyricsquiz.blogspot.ca/

Good luck, and stay tuned for more in a few weeks.

The Worst, Man!

So I've given y'all my lists of some of the best movies I've seen in my life.  Some were classics that any movie fan would have to agree with, but hopefully some were movies that you may have never seen or even heard of.  I love turning people on to great films.  I also love to talk about movies that should never have been made!  Again, I realize everybody has different tastes for what's good and what stinks when it comes to film.  I have seen some really bad movies that others, for unknown reasons to me, have absolutely loved...and I'm sure it's gone the other way 'round, too.  What I'm going to do do is list all the movies I've given a 1 out of 10 rating on imdb.com.  Agree or disagree, but I  will apologize in advance for some of the harsh language that I'm sure will follow as I remember why these movies each owe me 90 to 120 minutes of my life back:

Grease 2 (1982)
"Starring": Michelle Pfeiffer, Maxwell Caulfield, Lorna Luft, Adrien Zmed
Directed by: Patricia Birch
IMDB Rating: 3.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 22%

Here's the thing about sequels, they're almost always bad.  Why?  Because a sequel is usually rushed to the theatres to capitalize on the runaway success of it's predecessor.  But because the first one is loved so much, it's very difficult to recapture the same magic.  Case in point, "Grease 2".  It actually took a full four years before someone said "Let's make some more crazy money by having a bunch of teens singing and dancing".  Except this Maxwell Caulfield guy is no John Travolta, and Michelle Pfeiffer can't freakin' sing!  The story seemed as though it was written in four days rather than four years and the worst part is the incredibly bad audio dubbing throughout the film.  Maybe the original audio was burnt up in a fire (maybe set by Pfeiffer herself).  The few people they got from the original (Sid Caesar, Eve Arden, Did Conn) look bored to death.  People born a few years after me, who didn't get to see firsthand the craziness that was "Grease" when it was released, actually like this film.  They're wrong...so, so wrong!!
 - Director Patricia Birch was the choreographer from the original Grease movie.  This was her first, and last, time as a director of a major film.

Two Of A Kind (1983)
"Starring": John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John, Charles Durning, Oliver Reed, Scatman Crothers
Directed by: John Herzfeld
IMDB Rating: 4.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 20%

Wow, it really looks like I'm either a real "Grease" basher or I loved it so much that nothing even remotely like it can compare.  (I think I'm firmly in the middle of that argument).  So the dynamic duo of Travolta and Newton-John finally get back together five years after making history.  ("Grease" was the highest grossing musical of all-time).  This time God, yes that God, wants to start another great flood to wipe the slate clean on Earth 'cause he doesn't like whats goin' on down there.  Four angels convince the Big Guy that there is hope and they'll prove it with Travolta, a failed inventor that needs to rob a bank to pay back some bad men.  Still with me?  Newton-John is the bank teller he holds up, she switches the cash for something else (can't even remember what) and now Johnny is in hot pursuit of Olivia.  No singing, no dancing, but a lot of "What the heck is going on??".  The only good thing to come out of this dreck was the song "Twist Of Fate", which really isn't all that good, but it's catchy.
 - Nominated for 5 Razzie Awards: Worst Actor, Worst Actress, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay and Worst Picture.  It didn't "win" any of them.

Supergirl (1984)
"Starring": Helen Slater, Faye Dunaway, Peter O'Toole, Mia Farrow, Peter Cook
Directed by: Jeannot Szwarc
IMDB Rating: 4.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 8%

OK, I can see why it was made.  The "Superman" franchise was making huge money.  Christopher Reeve was the perfect Man Of Steel.  The movies were fun, adventurous, exciting with some, for it's time, cutting edge special effects.  "Supergirl" has none of that going for it.  First of all, Helen Slater has to be the worst casting choice EVER.  She was totally emotionless.  It seemed like she was reading her lines off of cue cards behind the camera.  Just terrible!  Peter O'Toole and Faye Dunaway ham it up so much that they become cartoon characters, and not in a good way.  They needed to watch Gene Hackman's understated portrayal of Lex Luthor from the more successful "Superman" films.  I don't know if this movie would have been so bad if the first two "Superman" movies weren't so good...but probably.
 - Christopher Reeve was supposed to make a cameo appearance as "Superman" but scheduling conflicts kept that from happening.
 - Nominated for two Razzie Awards: Worst Actor (O'Toole) and Worst Actress (Dunaway).

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
"Starring": Lorraine Gary, Lance Guest, Mario Van Peebles, Michael Caine
Directed by: Joseph Sargent
IMDB Rating: 2.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 0%

So, "Jaws" was a monster success, "Jaws 2" wasn't bad, "Jaws 3" was a complete mess.  I got it, let's redeem ourselves and make another one.  Problem is, this instalment is so insanely bad it's almost good, almost.  The shark, a fish that swims and eats and nothing else, is actually exacting revenge for, I guess, the entire shark population, on Chief Brody's widow, played by the original wife from the first two "Jaws" films.  The shark is exacting it's revenge.  The shark!  Somebody wrote this and thought it was brilliant.  Then somebody said "Let me give you millions of dollars to make it into a blockbuster film".  The SHARK exacts revenge!!  Hello?!?!?  What I will never understand is how producers got Michael Caine to appear in this film.  The year before he was brilliant in "Hannah And Her Sisters".  He had to have been drunk when he read this script, if he read it at all.  People, THE SHARK EXACTS REVENGE!!!!  Unbelievable!
 - Nominated for 7 Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Actress, Worst Visual Effects, Worst Supporting Actor, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay.  It "won" for the first four listed.
 - When asked about the movie, Michael Caine has said "I've never seen it. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.".

Rambo III (1988)
"Starring": Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith
Directed by: Peter MacDonald
IMDB Rating: 5.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 36%

Once again, what started out as an interesting franchise falls apart when all involved think about how much money they can make.  Forget a story that makes sense, forget spending millions on special effects, forget dialogue at all.  This was an action film made purely for the testosterone laden fans of the first two films that loves watching things blow up.  The story has Rambo's father figure, Richard Crenna, being held captive in Afghanistan.  John Rambo has to free him, and takes on, what seems to be, the entire Afghan army by himself.  I guess if he yells loud enough and long enough he can scare them into submission.  There are sequences dozens of minutes long where Stallone is yelling, firing a monstrous machine gun and blowing up everything in sight.  It just goes on and on and on.  And the special effects are absolutely horrible!  I swear you can see scenes where they used miniature models to blow up villages.  You can see the tiny little men waiting to be annihilated.  Just terrible!
 - Nominated for five Razzie Awards: Worst Actor (Stallone), Worst Picture, Worst Supporting Actor (Crenna), Worst Director, Worst Screenpaly.  It "won" the first three listed.

Dream A Little Dream (1989)
"Starring": Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Jason Robards, Piper Laurie, Harry Dean Stanton
Directed by: Marc Rocco
IMDB Rating: 5.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 0%

I saw this one in the theatres when it was released.  I still had dreams of going to Hollywood and becoming a great screen star.  Seeing the Corey's make it I thought it would be easy.  Watching this in that dark, mostly empty theatre I began to think of others plans for my life.  This movie was sooooo bad it made me not want to be an actor!  That's some kind of power!!  The body-switching comedies had become big, but this had to be the worst premise yet.  Feldman and Robards exchange brains when they have a collision in Robards front yard.  Feldman tries to use his new found life wisdom to get a girl he likes to fall for him.  It's terrible!  Not only is the acting atrocious, the screenplay ridiculous, but the added attempt at special effects fails so miserably that it's completely laughable.  The story gets so convoluted that you lose track, and interest, very quickly.  Again, how they got a fabulous actor like Jason Robards to appear in this film will always remain a mystery.

Nothing But Trouble (1991)
"Starring": Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, Dan Aykroyd, John Candy
Directed by: Dan Aykroyd
IMDB Rating: 4.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 9%

Love Dan Aykroyd.  Love John Candy.  Love Chevy Chase.  Throw Demi Moore in there and all the comedy talent in the room falls to near nothing!  But this movie had a lot of problems before Miss Moore was ever cast.  I think what  Aykroyd, who wrote the screenplay, was going for was a bit of a black comedy with slapstick elements throughout.  Unfortunately none of it worked.  The ridiculousness of the backwoods mansion and the crazy, poorly made-up judge made the movie uncomfortable to watch.  Even more so was Chase hamming it up so hard that you can actually smell bacon!  And did I mention Demi Moore?  Why, oh why, would you cast a mostly dramatic actress, and not a good one at that, in a supposed comedy?  You would be hard-pressed to find such a wooden and out-of-place performance than her's in this film.  Just bad from start to finish!
 - Nominated for six Razzie Awards: Worst Supporting Actor (Aykroyd), Worst Picture, Worst Actress (Moore), Worst Supporting Actress (Candy in drag), Worst Director and Worst Screenplay.  It "won" the first three listed.

Stop!  Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992)
"Starring": Sylvester Stallone, Estelle Getty, JoBeth Williams
Directed by: Roger Spottiswoode
IMDB Rating: 3.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 4%

Ok, I get it.  Take one of the biggest action stars of the era.  Take one of the most popular actresses from one of the most popular comedic TV shows of the era.  Stir well and out comes comic gold, right?  Right?  Somebody??  No, no, NO!!!  This movie was in big trouble from the get-go, with a title that seemed like it was thought up by a four year old.  The script is entirely predictable and unfunny.  Stallone, who is a  very smart and funny man if you were to listen to some of his interviews, should not be in broad comedies...ever!  Funny one-liners, yes.  Entire slapstick schmaltz, NO!  There are few movies that are panned by just about everyone upon release, even fewer that deserve it.  This is one of those rare gems that deserved every bad word written about it.
 - Nominated and "won" three Razzie Awards: Worst Actor (Stallone), Worst Supporting Actress (Getty) and Worst Screenplay.

Under Siege (1992)
"Starring": Steven Seagal, Gary Busey, Tommy Lee Jones, Erika Eleniak
Directed by: Andrew Davis
IMDB Rating: 6.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 75%

Yup, people loved this film!  Freakin' LOVED it!!  I remember working at Jumbo Video when this was released on VHS and we couldn't keep the copies in stock.  People would rent it and never return it just so they could watch it again and again.  There are many reasons why I hate this movie, none more than multiple customers saying "It's 'Die Hard' on a boat!".  It took everything in me to not punch these people in the face!  "Die Hard" was brilliantly crafted, well acted, smart and action packed.  This crap had some of the most over-the-top performances I can remember.  The hero, Seagal, is one of the most boring martial artists around.  He stands in one spot, lets the bad guy run up to him, lifts a leg and thats it!  There is a scene in this film where an explosion blasts through a wall or a door or something and it is clear that miniature models were used.  It's like a kid with his first video camera edited it together.  Yes, I may be biased because of my love for "Die Hard", but I don't care...I will always hate this film!
 - This dreck was actually nominated for two Academy Awards: Best Sound and Best Sound Effects Editing.

Son In Law (1993)
"Starring": Pauly Shore, Carla Gugino, Tiffani-Amber Thiessen
Directed by: Steve Rash
IMDB Rating: 5.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 22%

I think the only thing I've ever seen Pauly Shore in that I rather enjoyed was "Encino Man".  Everything else he's done or been a part of has stank...but somebody keeps throwing money into his projects.  Why??  His is a classic case of knowing the right people.  (His mother, Mitzi, owns The Comedy Store in Los Angeles).  Here he is the California surfer dude (surprise!) that is supposed to shock a good-girl's family when she tries to make a point.  Through outrageous situations and side-splitting hilarity the two actually develop feelings for each other.  It's a premise done in the movies and on TV a thousand times, but probably not as poorly as this film.  If Pauly Shore is your "thing", go crazy, I'll give you a list of some of the worst comedies ever filmed and you can start with this one.
 - Brendan Fraser, who starred with Shore in "Encino Man", makes a cameo appearance in this film.

Airheads (1994)
"Starring": Brendan Fraser, Adam Sandler, Steve Buscemi, Chris Farley, Michael McKean, Judd Nelson
Directed by: Michael Lehmann
IMDB Rating: 5.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 21%

I had so much hope for this one.  I was still enamoured by Adam Sandler, enjoying his SNL antics and not bugging the crap out of me just yet.  I recently enjoyed Brendan Fraser in "Encino Man".  And how great was Steve Buscemi in "Reservoir Dogs"?!?  Well, get them all together with perhaps some of the worst writing for a film and you get this total disaster.  Sandler began to get on my nerves.  Fraser, as it turned out, could not take the lead in a comedy.  Buscemi is totally miscast and looked bored throughout.  I've said it before, if you're going to write a dark comedy, make sure you let the audience in on the joke...you can't write it for yourself, which is what happened with this dreck.  Didn't laugh once, and had to push through just to finish in hopes there would be a big payoff in the last twenty minutes.  There isn't!
 - Lemmy, from Motorhead, makes a cameo appearance in the film.

Powder (1995)
"Starring": Sean Patrick Flanery, Mary Steenburgen, Jeff Goldblum, Lance Hendriksen
Directed by: Victor Salva
IMDB Rating: 6.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 47%

In order to show how disgusted I was with this film you need to know the backstory, something that totally influenced my feelings, right or wrong.  The writer/director Victor Salva was convicted 7 years prior to the making of this film for child molestation, videotaping a 12 year old boy.  Super Freakin' Creepy!  Watching this film with that knowledge it's abundantly evident how this "man" feels about young children.  There are a few scenes in the movie that, knowing what I knew, made me feel more uncomfortable than I've ever felt watching a movie.  The movie may be better than I give it credit for, but it is one of those films that I will never watch again.
 - Many of the cast and crew only found out about Silva's past halfway through filmmaking.

Mr. Wrong (1996)
"Starring": Ellen DeGeneres, Bill Pullman, Joan Cusack, Dean Stockwell, Hope Davis
Directed by: Nick Castle
IMDB Rating: 3.6
Rotten Tomatoes: 4%

Here it is.  The reason why Ellen DeGeneres should never be in a movie.  She is great at what she does, making fun of herself on TV and giving hope to those who need it, but starring in a movie?  No way!  You've see it all before, a lonely woman meets the "perfect" man but slowly realizes that he is actually insane, although she can't convince anybody of it, making her seem like the insane one.  Hardy har har.  Done right, this premise can be quite funny and dark.  Done wrong, well, you have this movie.  Not a laugh to be found.  Ellen is so far over the top that she's can't find any comic footing.  Even though the supporting cast is filled with great actors, they can't bring this film back to where it should be.  A real disappointment on all fronts.
 - Nominated for one Razzie Award - Worst New Star (Ellen DeGeneres).

The First Wives Club (1996)
"Starring": Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Dan Hedaya, Stockard Channing
Directed by: Hugh Wilson
IMDB Rating: 6.0
Rotten Tomatoes: 39%

I realize people think this movie is funny, even great.  I just don't get it.  I hated every screeching second of it.  And it's not because it's a "girl" movie (people have told me I don't get it because it's a movie made for women...I say nay!).  We have three great comedic actresses that are given absolutely nowhere to go.  There is no rhyme or reason to this film.  It's basically the three of them running around, yelling at people and each other, trying to gain control of their lives.  What really disturbs me about this movie is that it tries to show these women as strong "role models", getting revenge on the men that screwed up their lives.  What it actually does is show how vindictive and petty women can be, not that I believe that, men are just as vindictive and petty, but it's counter-intuitive.  And not a bit funny!
 - The three leads were all born within 45 days of each other.  They all celebrated their 50th birthdays together while filming.

Ringmaster (1998)
"Starring": Jerry Springer, Jaime Pressly, William McNamara
Directed by: Neil Abramson
IMDB Rating: 3.1
Rotten Tomatoes: 25%

You know going into some films that you're in for a horrible time.  But sometimes you want to know exactly how horrible.  "Ringmaster" does not disappoint.  It is as bad as you think it will be.  Springer plays himself, the host of a terrible "reality" show where the guests are encouraged to be as nasty as they can be.  We follow the antics of a dysfunctional family who are going to be on his show.  The two stories collide with all the rudeness and ridiculousness that can be mustered.  It's absolutely dreadful.  "Ringmaster" could have been a genuine look into the lives of some of the guests who've appeared on the "The Jerry Springer Show" over the years, and why it's so successful, and what Jerry actually thinks of himself as the host.  Instead, the movie devolves into unfunny crap!
 - Jerry Springer "won" a Razzie Award for Worst New Star.

Breakfast Of Champions (1999)
"Starring": Bruce Willis, Albert Finney, Nick Nolte, Barbara Hershey, Lucas Haas, Omar Epps, Buck Henry
Directed by: Alan Rudolph
IMDB Rating: 4.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 26%

I never read the book by Kurt Vonnegut, but I heard it was a great satire.  I was eager to see the movie version just based on what I heard about the book.  Turns out it made a whole lot of sense as to why this movie took over 20 years to get to the screen...and they should have waited another 20!  There is far too much ground to cover and the technology at the time did not help create the fantasy world of the main character.  The players played waaaaayy over the top, to the point that you couldn't even watch anymore.  It was truly painful to behold.  Similar to the travesty of "Bonfire Of The Vanities", here's a movie based on a beloved book that just went sideways...and quickly downhill.
 - The rights to the novel was originally purchased by Dino DeLaurentis for Robert Altman to direct after Altman's success with "Nashville".

Body Shots (1999)
"Starring": Sean Patrick Flannery, Jerry O'Connell, Tara Reid, Amanda Peet, Ron Livingston
Directed by: Michael Cristofer
IMDB Rating: 4.9
Rotten Tomatoes: 11%

It is difficult for me to describe how awful this movie is.  It was supposed to be, I think, a statement about dating in the '90's, the dangers of one night stands and spreading disease and shit like that.  What we actually get is some of the worst acting I have ever witnessed (on par with "Plan 9 From Outer Space"...except these were real actors) and possibly the most vulgar characters you're going to see on the big screen.  There is nothing, I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, likeable about any of the characters.  Was that the point of this garbage?  Maybe...but then why would I want to watch it at all??  This is the worst kind of film, one that tries to shove a point down your throat so hard that it makes you want to vomit.  I would easily place this in the bottom five films I have ever sat through!  Ugh!
 - Originally titled "Jello Shots" but Kraft Foods (owners of the Jello brand) threatened to sue.

Hollow Man (2000)
"Starring": Kevin Bacon, Elisabeth Shue, Josh Brolin, William Devane
Directed by: Paul Verhoeven
IMDB Rating: 5.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 27%

Here's another film the general public seemed to like when it was released.  I remember walking out of the theatre, my friends going on and on about how thrilling the movie was, and me staring at them thinking they had just lost their minds.  Ok, some of the effects were kind of cool, but the story was so stupid it could have been written by a five year old.  It is completely predictable (scientist discover a way to make someone invisible, don't you think evil thoughts will result?!) and it just won't end.  There must have been three separate times I thought "Finally, it's over" and then it would just keep going...kinda like "Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King" but in a really bad way!  It really is too bad because I really like Shue and Bacon, but they couldn't do anything with this garbage.
 - Was nominated for an Academy Award for it's Visual Effects.

Little Nicky (2000)
"Starring": Adam Sandler, Harvey Keitel, Patricia Arquette, Rodney Dangerfield
Directed by: Steven Brill
IMDB Rating: 5.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 22%

This is the movie that made me hate Adam Sandler.  "Happy Gilmore" was funny.  "The Wedding Singer" was endearing.  "Big Daddy" started to lose me, but this crap did the trick!  I don't even know how it's possible to sit through the entire film in one sitting.  Listening to Sandler's voice was like someone constantly running their fingernails down a chalkboard.  But beyond that, the "jokes" are so childish, rude for rude's sake, that anyone with a bit of dignity couldn't possibly think they're funny.  (I don't mean to insult anybody that may like this film, but come on!!)  Keitel is completely wasted and it's a great mystery to me why he even agreed to be in the film.  I vowed after this movie to never watch another Adam Sandler comedy again, but the bastard kept pulling me back in, each time disappointing me further.  Total crap!
 - Nominated for five Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Actor (Sandler), Supporting Actress (Arquette), Director and Screenplay.

Down To Earth (2001)
"Starring": Chris Rock, Chazz Palminteri, Regina King, Eugene Levy
Directed by: Chris and Paul Weitz
IMDB Rating: 5.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 20%

And here's the movie that made me hate Chris Rock.  I have never found him funny, even from his SNL days.  This movie only solidified my opinion of him.  This is a "remake" of "Heaven Can Wait" which was a remake of "Here Comes Mr. Jordan", both great films.  In this one, Rock's character dies before his time and gets to come back to Earth as a millionaire.  Trouble is, he is now the target of a hit.  Hilarity ensues...at least that's what the writers and directors wanted.  It seems like nobody told Rock not to laugh or smirk at his own jokes when filming a movie.  And what the Hell was Chazz Palminteri thinking?  His character is absolute nonsense.  Just bad from start to finish.
 - Chris Rock began to think about a remake of "Heaven Can Wait" after he heard Muhammad Ali ws pursued for the lead role in that film.

Driven (2001)
"Starring": Sylvester Stallone, Burt Reynolds, Gina Gershon, Kip Pardue
Directed by: Renny Harlin
IMDB Rating: 4.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 14%

Sylvester Stallone wrote "Rocky", one of the best sports movies of all-time, a beautiful character study.  It's hard to believe that same man wrote this horrible, rambling, boring movie about CART racing.  There is so much going on here (relationships with drivers, wives, wives of drivers, competitors, wives of competitors, etc.) and nothing comes to fruition.  The racing effects are some of the worst you'll ever see as well.  It should be exciting, edge of your seat kind of stuff, but it fails miserably.  I often refer to this film as "Drivel" because it makes me laugh, but it really is that bad.
 - Nominated for 7 Razzie Awards: Worst Supporting Actress (Estella Warren), Worst Picture, Worst Screen Couple (Stallone and Reynolds), Worst Supporting Actor x2 (Stallone and Reynolds), Worst Director and Worst Screenplay.  Warren was the only "winner".

Tomcats (2001)
"Starring": Jerry O'Connell, Shannon Elizabeth, Jake Busey, Jaime Pressly, Horatio Sanz
Directed by: Gregory Poirier
IMDB Rating: 5.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 15%

After "American Pie" became such a huge success in 1999 there were multiple copycat movies to come out trying to catch a bit of that success.  None of them were as bad as "Tomcats"!  The story basically revolves around a group of friends that make a bet to see who will be the last bachelor standing.  Years pass and we're down to two.  Crazy antics ensue in order to win the prize.  But here's the problem; "American Pie" was a great success because of it's sweet, self-effacing nature.  Yes, Stiffler was a jerk, but he was meant to be a jerk and the audience accepted it.  With "Tomcats" the joke is totally lost on the viewer.  It comes across as mean, misogynistic, rude and completely unfunny.  It's actually interesting to watch just to see how far off the mark it is.  Really, really bad!
 - Never heard of Gregory Poirier?  This is the only movie he has directed...thank the Lord!

 Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
"Starring": Tom Green, Rip Torn, Harland Williams, Anthony Michael Hall
Directed by: Tom Green
IMDB Rating: 4.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 11%

Being Canadian, I was introduced to Tom Green a long time ago, first as a rapper, then as a late night talk show host.  He's weird, always has been and probably always will be.  When he became popular enough to write, direct and get funding for a feature film I was pretty excited.  Then the reviews came in; "Worst Movie Ever" was bandied about a lot.  I had to see it, how bad could it be?  Well, very close to the worst movie ever!  It is gross, rude and made purely for shock value.  I can honestly say I did not laugh once.  I don't want to sound like a prude but somebody has to explain to mean how child molestation is a good topic for a comedy.  It's pretty clear that the world got sick of Tom Green soon after this film was released, and rightly so.
 - Nominated for 8 Razzie Awards; Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Green), Worst Screen Couple (Green and any animal he abuses), Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actor (Torn), Worst Supporting Actress x2 (Drew Barrymore and Julie Hagerty).  It "won" the first five listed AND, 2010, was nominated for Worst Picture Of The Decade.

Scary Movie 2 (2001)
"Starring": Anna Farris, Marlon Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Tim Curry, James Woods, Tori Spelling
Directed by: Keenan Ivory Wayans
IMDB Rating: 5.1
Rotten Tomatoes: 15%

I actually enjoyed the first "Scary Movie".  It took it's time to set up jokes and delivered on most of them.  It came out at a perfect time, right after the resurgence of teen slasher pics like "Scream" and "I Know What You Did Last Summer".  So, like most farces that are successful, the producers rush out a second to make even more money.  That's a huge problem.  Too often, as in the case of this crud, nothing turns out funny, just rude and gross.  It's like a collection of fart jokes made to make the most immature shoot Sprite out of their noses.  The franchise did bounce back for a while, as if they knew this second instalment wasn't worth the paper it was written on.
 - Marlon Brando was paid $1-million for the role played by James Woods.  Brando became ill just before filming and was allowed to keep the money.

America's Sweethearts (2001)
"Starring": John Cusack, Julia Roberts, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Billy Crystal, Hank Azaria, Christopher Walken, Alan Arkin
Directed by: Joe Roth
IMDB Rating: 5.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 31%

It is possible that I rated this movie so low simply because I was sure I'd like it. I love John Cusack.  I like Julia Roberts and Zeta-Jones.  I often think Billy Crystal is brilliant!  So where did this movie go wrong?  Um, everywhere!  There's a lot going on here but the basics is a couple of movie stars that the world loves to love are in the middle of a nasty split...during a press junket for their latest film.  The movie's producer needs to make the world believe all is good so that people will come see the film.  There are many side stories and characters introduced and forgotten along the way.  The two main problems with the movie are 1) it's not funny and 2) I couldn't give a crap about any of the characters...none of them.  I honestly don't even remember how this movie ends because I stopped paying attention so early on, but I'm sure if it ended well I would have remembered.  Blah!
 - Billy Crystal, who wrote the film, was going to direct until he showed it to studio mogul Joe Roth.  Roth decided to direct the film himself, the first time in 11 years.

The Sweetest Thing (2002)
"Starring": Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Selma Blair, Thomas Jane, Jason Bateman
Directed by: Roger Kumble
IMDB Rating: 5.0
Rotten Tomatoes: 26%

I have heard a lot of people tell me they loved this movie, mostly women.  I watched it once and hated it, but after hearing so many people tell me how funny they thought it was, I had to try again.  Turns out I was wrong.  It was soooo much worse than I first thought!  It's a whole bunch of "skits" put together with no real purpose at all.  There is barely a story and the "skits" are so dumb and unfunny that I had to look away at times.  Diaz hams it up through the whole movie, so much so that you couldn't care if got hit by a Mack truck.  Blair looked absolutely bored throughout.  Applegate seemed to be the only one that got the joke, and she knew it wasn't funny either!  One of the worst written movies I've seen and a total waste of time...TWICE!!
 - The three leads wrote "The Penis Song", and world is a better place because of it!

Envy (2004)
"Starring": Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Rachel Weisz, Amy Poehler, Christopher Walken
Directed by: Barry Levinson
IMDB Rating: 4.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 7%

Oh, how I love Ben Stiller.  And, oh, how I tolerate Jack Black.  But, oh my, when they decided to get together for a dark comedy somebody should have told them to READ THE SCRIPT!  This was bad, really bad.  The story had potential...Black and Stiller are best buds until an invention by Black takes the world by storm.  Now he's filthy rich and Stiller is crazy jealous.  Unfortunately, all the comedy is strained and hard to watch.  Black is so over-the-top that you have to look away more often than not.  I can't pinpoint the exact moment where this film fell of the tracks, but it does, and it does hard!  So very disappointing, especially since it was directed by a usually rock solid Barry Levinson.
 - Jack Black and producer Jeffrey Katzenberg actually took time to publicly apologize for this film during a press conference for "Shark Tale".
 - Ben Stiller was "nominated" for a Worst Actor Razzie for his part in the film.

The Stepford Wives (2004)
"Starring": Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick, Bette Midler, Glenn Close, Christopher Walken, Jon Lovitz
Directed by: Frank Oz
IMDB Rating: 5.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 26%

The original "Stepford Wives" was interesting, not great, but passable.  It was creepy in all the right places.  This updated version, playing more like a comedy than a sci-fi thriller is creepy as well, but for all the wrong reasons.  Jokes fly by without nary a snicker.  Scenes that were made to look tense and exciting rather make one yawn in boredom.  Special effects are totally wasted, as are the actors.  This is another mis-hit from a usually competent director.  But watching Nicole Kidman try to be funny is painful (although she did a fabulous job in 1995's "To Die For").  It pains me to say this, but the only redeeming factor in this film is, ugh, Bette Midler.
 - There were huge problems with the actors and director while filming.  Due to test screenings going so poorly, the script was re-written several times and scenes were re-shot or deleted entirely making everybody involved resentful.

Catwoman (2004)
"Starring": Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, Benjamin Bratt, Lambert Wilson
Directed by: Pitof (Jean-Christophe Comar)
IMDB Rating: 3.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 9%

Rarely has a superhero movie misfired so badly.  There are other examples, for sure, even on this list, of ones that just didn't live up to the hype.  But "Catwoman" was a bomb from start to finish.  Here's the biggest problem; it is incredibly hard to follow.  These types of movies need to use tricks to keep the audience excited (quick camera movements, lots of fast edits, special effects), but when these tricks are overused, all it leaves is mass confusion for the audience.  Scenes start and finish so quickly that we don't have a chance to absorb anything.  The movie simply turns into eye-candy with zero substance.  And not even good eye-candy...it's like the worst of your Halloween grab that you eventually throw away.  Oh, and Sharon Stone has never been worse, and that's saying a lot!!
 - Nominated for 7 Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Actress (Berry), Worst Director (Pitof), Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actor (Wilson), Worst Supporting Actress (Stone), Worst Screen Couple.  It "won" the first four listed.

A Dirty Shame (2004)
"Starring": Tracey Ullman, Selma Blair, Johnny Knoxville, Chris Isaak, Patty Hearst
Directed by: John Waters
IMDB Rating: 5.1
Rotten Tomatoes: 53%

I must say, I have never understood people's fascination with John Waters.  The ten minutes I watched of "Pink Flamingos" made me want to throw up.  He made a half descent film in "Hairspray", but everything else he's done seems to have been for shock value alone.  I gave this one a try because I love Tracey Ullman.  She is the only reason to ever watch this film, because the rest will make you feel dirty and ashamed.  Again, shock with no substance whatsoever.  Waters kind of reminds me of Ed Wood.  He has a following of supporters that claim he's a great innovator of cult comedies, but all I see is poor filmmaking and gross-out decision making.  If that's your thing then go crazy.  For me, I can live without it.
 - Hit with an MPAA rating of NC-17.  When asked what would be needed to delete or alter to obtain an R-rating, the MPAA replied the movie would be only 10 minutes long if they took out everything listed.

Taxi (2004)
"Starring": Queen Latifah, Jimmy Fallon, Jennifer Esposito, Gisele Bundchen, Ann-Margret
Directed by: Tim Story
IMDB Rating: 4.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 10%

This film was remade from a French film by the same name that was, apparently, funny.  How could the original be funny and the remake suck so bad?  Well, it has something to do with the actors involved.  I love Jimmy Fallon...he's smart and hilariously funny.  I enjoy Queen Latifah as well, when she's not trying too hard.  What happens here is a mess of bad-timing, uncaring, over-acting, and horribly unfunny stars.  Latifah is so wacky that it starts to grate on you.  Fallon looks completely out of place and the lines given to him wouldn't work if Bob Hope or Jack Benny said them.  (Yes, I think those two men are comic geniuses!).  If all that wasn't bad enough, its a story you've seen a thousand times before with poor edits that take away from the only redeemable thing in the film, the stunt work.  So very disappointing.

Alexander (2004)
"Starring": Colin Farrell, Anthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, Rosario Dawson, Jared Leto, Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Directed by: Oliver Stone
IMDB Rating: 5.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 16%

I will admit to this right upfront, I did not watch this entire movie.  I fell asleep at around the two hour mark.  Maybe the last hour had something phenomenally great going on, I'll never know, because I will never watch this film again.  To make the life of one of the most interesting men the world has ever seen boring if a great feat indeed.  Oliver Stone has always been hit or miss with me, more often hit, but when he misses, he misses big.  Farrell does an adequate job, as does Hopkins and Jolie (although believing Jolie is Alexander's mother is a bit of a stretch).  But so often I was hoping for more.  More anything.  The scenes with Hopkins seem to last for days.  The scenes where a battle is coming seem to take forever to get to the actual battle.  This was a complete misfire from start to, well, the two hour mark anyway.
 - Nominated for 6 Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Farrell), Worst Actress (Jolie), Worst Supporting Actor (Kilmer), Worst Director, Worst Screenplay.

Dirty Love (2005)
"Starring": Jenny McCarthy, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Carmen Electra
Directed by: John Asher
IMDB Rating: 3.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 4%

The only reason I decided to watch this movie was to stare at Jenny McCarthy. I know, it's shallow and sexist, but she's got a great body!  Unfortunately there were words and actions throughout that made me want to throw something at my TV!  The story is familiar, a beautiful woman just can't meet the right man, and all attempts end in hilarious heartache.  Only someone forgot the hilarity.  If ever you needed to note the difference between clever and inane, rude, dirty, gross attempts at comedy, you need look no further.  It really is a shame since I truly believe Jenny McCarthy has some very good comedic timing.  She has an ability to laugh at herself which usually makes it easy for the viewer to laugh along.  Something went terribly wrong with this drivel, though.
 - Nominated for 6 Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Actress (McCarthy), Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actress (Electra), Worst Screen Couple.  It "won" the first four listed.

Bewitched (2005)
"Starring": Nicole Kidman, Will Ferrell, Shirley MacLaine, Michael Caine, Jason Schwartzman, David Alan Grier, Kristin Chenoweth
Directed by: Nora Ephron
IMDB Rating: 4.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 25%

Oh, Nicole.  You failed so much at updating a movie, "The Stepford Wives", and now you've nearly ruined a beloved TV series.  And Nora Ephron??  Usually so great at writing funny relationship scripts...what happened?  Kidman was trying way too hard.  Her little knowing wink to the audience made her look like she was pulling one over on us, but we just didn't care.  Ferrell, chained to the script he was given, was almost invisible.  He needs to be able to improvise, add to the script, but you could tell he was handcuffed.  I loved the original TV series with Elizabeth McGovern, and I was jazzed about seeing this update.  Perhaps that's why I was soooooo disappointed.
 - Nominated for 5 Razzie Awards: Worst Screen Couple, Worst Actor (Ferrell), Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, Worst Remake or Sequel.  It "won" the first listed.

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)
"Starring": Rob Schneider, Eddie Griffin, Jeroen Krabbe
Directed by: Mike Bigelow
IMDB Rating: 4.6
Rotten Tomatoes: 9%

Ok, first a little embarrassing information - I liked the original "Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo".  I know...one of the few.  It reminded me, slightly, of Dan Aykrotd's character on SNL back in the '70's, Fred Garvin Male Prostitute.  Just a dude that should never be getting any, never mind charging people for it.  Anyway, I was actually looking forward to the sequel.  Oh, what a shame!  Anything that resembled comedy from the first movie quickly disappeared.  Any kind of empathy or even sympathy that one felt for the main character had vanished as well.  This was simply a quick succession of off-coloured jokes and predictable outcomes.  Sometimes it's fun to see the punchline ahead of time.  It's not fun when you can see them all!
 - Nominated for 5 Razzie Awards: Worst Actor (Schneider), Worst Picture, Worst Screen Couple, Worst Screenplay, Worst Remake or Sequel.  It "won" the first listed.

Harsh Times (2005)

"Starring": Christian Bale, Eva Longoria, Freddy Rodriguez, J.K. Simmons

Directed by: David Ayer

IMDB Rating: 7.0

Rotten Tomatoes: 48%

I have no idea why so many people liked this movie.  It's completely beyond me.  Here's what I saw; Christian Bale beating the crap out of everybody, people doing copious amounts of drugs, and complete sentences of only swear words.  I don't know people like this, I can't empathize with people like this, and I certainly couldn't give a flying f*@k about people like this...so why waste my time making a movie about people like this?!?!?  Every passing moment as I watched this movie made me angrier and angrier, and not at the plot, which I suppose is what was expected, but at the writers, the director, the actors trying to make me think that this was an important film, one that would give me insight into the mind of troubled war vets.  It is simply gratuitous all the way through with zero redeeming quality!  I have no idea why so many people liked this movie!

 - Christian Bale auditioned for a role in Ayer's other film "Training Day" but lost out to Ethan Hawke. Ayer liked Bale's audition and promised to cast him in "Harsh Times" if it ever got made.

Revolver (2005)
"Starring": Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Vincent Pastore
Directed by: Guy Ritchie
IMDB Rating: 6.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 17%

Guy Ritchie.  Quite an enigma.  He made fabulously fun films in "Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch".  Then he decides to do a remake of "Swept Away" with his wife Madonna that was universally panned.  Then, this, a movie so convoluted that the viewer needs to give up on it in order to save their own sanity.  If you can follow what is happening on screen, write a paper on it and it will be published in every psychiatric magazine in the world!  Ritchie still knows how to film an action sequence, no doubt, but if we can;t understand why the characters do what they do, who cares??  And Ray Liotta is so bad that it becomes funny, and not in a good way.  Horribly disappointing and impossible to understand.
 - Both Vinnie Jones and Harvey Keitel turned down roles in the film.  Good choice!

Aeon Flux (2005)
"Starring": Charlize Theron, Frances McDormand, Pete Postlethwaite, Sophie Okonedo
Directed by: Karyn Kusama
IMDB Rating: 5.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 10%

I remember the awful reviews when this movie was first released in the theatres.  I thought "how bad could it be??".  Lots of action, futuristic story and, my God, Charlize Theron in a skin-tight leotard.  Well, you know it has to be pretty awful if I couldn't even muster an extra mark for the wardrobe!  I have a feeling that the original cartoon that the movie is based on was trying to show powerful women doing powerful things.  Unfortunately that doesn't at all translate to film.  Instead, all the audience is left with is the blatant sexualization of the characters.  The story is completely lost in the inane action sequences.  We care not what happens to our heroine, as long as we get to see her jumping around in those wonderful costumes.  A complete waste of time and energy.
 - Darren Aronofsky, director of "Requiem For A Dream" and "Black Swan", was originally attached to direct this movie.  Might have been much better had he.

Ultraviolet (2006)
"Starring": Milla Jovovich, Cameron Bright, Nick Chinlund
Directed by: Kurt Wimmer
IMDB Rating: 4.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 9%

I think one of my favourite quoted reviews of this movie would be "Ultra-dumb", because that's what it is.  In the future, some sort of disease makes people nearly superhuman.  They, of course, now want to rule society, but the regular folk aren't too pleased.  A diseased woman, who has some sort of vendetta on just about everything that moves, sides with the regular folk and all Holy Hell breaks out.  Blech.  As with "Aeon Flux", if there wasn't a good looking woman jumping around in tight clothes I would have turned this drivel off right quick!  Even the action sequences are boring.
 - Writer/director Kurt Wimmer, who made a very good movie a few years prior called "Equilibrium", said his original cut of the movie was 120 minutes and contain more of an emotional feel.  The studio insisted he re-edit for more action, cutting the time to 88 minutes.

The Break-Up (2006)
"Starring": Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, Jon Favreau, Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Bateman, Judy Davis, Justin Long
Directed by: Peyton Reed
IMDB Rating: 5.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 34%

I love Vince Vaughn.  I always enjoyed Jennifer Aniston on "Friends".  I do not like the two of them together.  This was an interesting concept gone totally wrong by trying to decide to make a broad comedy or a black comedy.  Unfortunately they tried to combine both and came out with a boring, rude, mean and completely unfunny movie!  I hated both of these characters from almost the start of the film.  Why would I care at all what happens to either one of them??  Some of the supporting players come in to try and save this mess, but they only make it worse!  And let me tell you point blank and without any sarcasm at all - WORST ENDING EVER!!!!!  It's like the writers just gave up and said "Ending now, bye bye.".  So awful!
 - Vince Vaughn's real life dad plays Jennifer Aniston's father in the film.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)
"Starring": Uma Thurman, Luke Wilson, Anna Faris, Rainn Wilson, Wanda Sykes
Directed By: Ivan Reitman
IMDB Rating: 5.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 40%

First of all, you've seen this movie before, about a thousand times in one way or another.  Second, you should hate yourself for thinking it would be any better than those other ones...I do!  Uma Thurman is the superhuman maiden here.  If there was an award given for most over-acting and hamming for the camera it would be christened the Uma for her role in this film.  It was painful to watch just how over-the-top she was.  On the other end of the scale we have Luke Wilson who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else than in this movie.  (Although, I can't really blame him).  Ivan Reitman has directed some great comedies in his time, but this is easily on the bottom of his list.  Very disappointing.
 - Filming only took four weeks.  There's a clear sign nobody cared!

Southland Tales (2006)
"Starring": Dwayne Johnson, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Seann William Scott, Janeane Garofalo, Nora Dunn, John Lovitz, Mandy Moore, Justin Timberlake
Directed by: Richard Kelly
IMDB Rating: 5.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 37%

Richard Kelly was the man responsible for the ultra-weird, yet highly entertaining cult film "Donnie Darko".  I was very excited to see this movie, his next feature, especially since it had Dwayne Johnson in it, someone I think is as powerful a movie presence there is these days.  OH MY GOD was this bad!  I have no idea what was happening through most of the film, or why for that matter.  There seemed to be absolutely no story to follow, just a smattering of increasingly horribly acted and disastrously written vignettes that made less and less sense.  Scene after scene we are introduced to characters, played by some usually reliable actors and comedians, that have nothing to do with anything at all.  And this crap was in contention for the Palme D'Or at Cannes!!!  How??!?!?  I can easily say that this movie is Top 5 of the movies I think should be burned and never shown anywhere ever again!
 - "One of the most confusing, ridiculous, pretentious and disastrous cinematic train wrecks I've ever seen." - review by Richard Roeper.

Norbit (2007)
"Starring": Eddie Murphy, Thandie Newton, Terry Crews, Cuba Gooding Jr.
Directed by: Brian Robbins
IMDB Rating: 3.9
Rotten Tomatoes: 9%

The best thing about this movie is it's tagline: "Have You Ever Made A Really Big Mistake?".  That's freakin' hilarious considering the total mistake of a movie this turned out to be.  It is as bad, if not worse than everything you've heard about it.  The character of Norbit is barely watchable, and he's the one we're supposed to feel for.  The Rasputia character is soooooooo bad that I had to actually mute the TV when I she came on screen.  Murphy actually hit a good note with his "Nutty Professor" movies, and all his characters played off each other quite well, but everything went horribly wrong with "Norbit".  Horribly, horribly wrong!
 - Nominated for 8 Razzie Awards: Worst Actor (Murphy), Worst Supporting Actress (Murphy), Worst Supporting Actor (Murphy), Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Gooding Jr.), Worst Screen Couple, Worst Screenplay, Worst Director.  It "won" the first three listed.

Hannibal Rising (2007)
"Starring": Gaspard Ulliel, Rhys Ifans, Li Gong, Dominic West
Directed by: Peter Webber
IMDB Rating: 6.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 15%

Can a single performance ruin an entire film?  Yes, YES, a thousand times YES!!!  Gaspard Ulliel is quite possibly the worst actor I have ever witnessed, and you've seen the kind of movies I've watched!  I would, in a heartbeat, have rather seen Rob Schneider in the role of a young Hannibal Lecter.  I'm not even remotely kidding!!  The folks that have played Hannibal Lecter in the past (Anthony Hopkins and Brian Cox especially) knew that this character was filled with emotion, but very controlled emotion.  They're performances allow you to see the passion behind those psychotic, evil eyes.  Ulliel is completely emotionless.  It's like watching a painting!  Beyond his atrocious performance is a story that is so slow and meandering that the viewer loses interest very quickly.  A huge disappointment as Lecter is easily one of the most interesting characters to ever appear on film.
 - Nominated for 2 Razzie Awards: Worst Prequel Or Sequel, Worst Excuse For A Horror Movie

Postal (2007)
"Starring": Dave Foley, Zack Ward, Verne Troyer, J.K. Simmons, Michael Pare
Directed by: Uwe Boll
IMDB Rating: 4.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 7%

Uwe Boll is this generation's Ed Wood, except he's so much worse.  Ed Wood had a passion for movie making, but just made bad movies.  Boll could give a shit and it shows.  This, probably one of the worst movies you'll ever see, is based on a video game that was banned in many countries because of it's violence and message.  Think about that for a second...a video game's message worse than Grand Theft Auto's.  So, Boll decides to make a movie about it and in doing so manages to insult just about every living thing on Earth!  None of it is funny, and I'm sorry to say, if you think there is any redeemable value in this film, you are simply psychotic.  I watched it to see just how bad it could be, and maybe you will too, but I can assure you, you will hate yourself for it!
 - Nominated for three Razzie Awards: Worst Director, Worst Supporting Actor (Troyer and Boll).  It "won" the first listed.

Margot At The Wedding (2007)
"Starring": Nicole Kidman, Jack Black, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Flora Cross
Directed by: Noah Baumbach
IMDB Rating: 6.0
Rotten Tomatoes: 52%

Noah Baumbach wrote and directed a really nice, quirky movie about family dysfunction called "The Squid And The Whale" that I really liked.  His next movie was this one, so I had high hopes.  What I got was the Frankenstein's monster of dysfunctional family movies.  Every character that was introduced was worse than the previous.  I hated everybody!  I don't know if Baumbach actually grew up with people like this wandering around but, if so, he is in need of many years of therapy.  I just didn't get it.  Sure the actors did well, the scenery was nice, but if there isn't one redeeming value in any of the people on screen, what's the point??  I remember bringing this movie home from the video store, talking it up as the next great film from the guy who did "The Squid And The Whale", a movie my wife actually liked, watching it, and having my wife hate me for a week for making her watch it.  I gotta say, I couldn't blame her!
 - Nicole Kidman, Jack Black and Jennifer Jason Leigh lived together for a while to prepare for the film.

Sleuth (2007)
"Starring": Michael Caine, Jude Law
Directed by: Kenneth Branagh
IMDB Rating: 6.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 36%

Oh, Kenneth Branagh, what have ye done???  Please, stick to Shakespeare.  You took what was an incredible stage play, an even better film in the 1970's, and made it laughable, almost completely unwatchable.  If you have ever had the pleasure of seeing the original "Sleuth" with Caine and Laurence Olivier there is never a need to even think about watching this remake.  Everything that was fun and entertaining in that first telling is gone.  Not only is it gone, but somehow, someway, a homo-erotic undertone embodies the entire film, completely unnecessarily!  I can't even surmise what it was, but both myself and my wife felt it immediately and we both thought "why????".  So bad!
 - Harold Pinter reworked the screenplay to follow the main idea of the original with completely different dialogue.

Smart People (2008)
"Starring": Dennis Quaid, Thomas Haden Church, Sarah Jessica Parker, Ellen Page
Directed by: Noam Murro
IMDB Rating: 6.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 50%

Ever heard of this film?  No?  Know why?  It stinks!!  The only comically ironic thing about the film is it's title.  Here are a bunch of people that you would never spend any time with because they are the most pretentious, unfunny sots in the world.  So why would anyone be entertained by it??  Again, dark comedy needs to have some sort of meaning to it's audience in order for them to "get" it.  If you know people like this, maybe you'd find it a bit amusing, but I feel incredibly sorry for you!  Sarah Jessica Parker cannot act.  Not now, not ever.  Her last good role was in "Square Pegs"from 1982, yet people keep on casting her in stuff...don't know why.
 - Rachel Weisz was originally cast in the role Parker plays, but she dropped out.

Four Christmases (2008)
"Starring": Vince Vaughn, Reese Witherspoon, Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, Mary Steenburgen, Jon Voight, Jon Favreau
Directed by: Seth Gordon
IMDB Rating: 5.6
Rotten Tomatoes: 25%

Just because a film takes place during the Christmas season does not make it a "Christmas Movie".  Those types of movies, to me, have some kind of redemption for the main characters....Scrooge, Bailey, John McClane.  There is nothing of the sort with this film.  It's just mean people doing mean things and not giving a shit about consequences.  There is no "feel good" anywhere.  In fact, there are very few laughs anywhere either.  Vaughn is obviously making up his own lines as he goes along.  And the great collection of actors look more bored than you would be watching them!  When a movie has 4 writers, you know that things can't be great.
 - All the parents in the film are Oscar winners: Voight, Steenburgen, Duvall and Spacek.

The Spirit (2008)
"Starring": Samuel L. Jackson, Gabriel Macht, Scarlett Johansson, Jaime King, Eva Mendes
Directed by: Frank Miller
IMDB Rating: 4.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 14%

After the great success of "Sin City", the creator of that series thought he could direct his own movie in the same style.  Do you know why it's taken almost 10 years for the second "Sin City" movie to come out?  It's because of the travesty that is this film.  Filmed in the style of "Sin City", so the look is kinda cool, but following a story that can't be followed, even with a map!  The characters or so over-the-top that they lose any inkling of believability that the characters in "Sin City" seemed to maintain.  And the dialogue...holy crap!  Some of the worst lines you're ever going to hear in a film.  I think they wanted to be hip, edgy even.  Instead they came out sounding idiotic.  In a few months we'll see how Frank Miller did with "Sin City 2".  It better be better than this shite.

Observe And Report (2009)
"Starring": Seth Rogen, Anna Faris, Ray Liotta, Michael Pena
Directed by: Jody Hill
IMDB Rating: 5.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 51%

Here is the review I wrote for this film on Flickster after I watched it: One character utters the line "I thought it would be funny, but it's just kind of sad".  This should have been the tagline for what is probably the worst film I've seen in years!  Not one redeemable quality in any of the characters.  I am a big fan of dark comedies...this is not a dark comedy.  This is a comedy gone horribly wrong!  It's one thing to be offensive and funny ("40 Year-Old Virgin"), it's quite another to be strictly offensive.  The writer-director of the equally un-funny "Foot Fist Way" has actually outdone himself.  STAY AWAY!!!!  Well, that about sums it up...really, really bad!
 - The role played by Ray Liotta was originally written for Danny McBride, who couldn't commit due to scheduling conflicts.

World's Greatest Dad (2009)
"Starring": Robin Williams, Daryl Sabara, Naomi Glick
Directed by: Bobcat Goldthwait
IMDB Rating: 7.0
Rotten Tomatoes: 89%

What did I miss?!?!?  89% on Rotten Tomatoes??  Are you kidding me?  This movie was such a miss for me that it actually made me angry.  Here's my original review from this blog: So here's the set-up: a father of a horribly rude, shit of a kid decides to make it look like his son's accidental death by asphyxiating himself while masturbating was just a simple suicide. The kid becomes an icon at a school that didn't even know his name and the father gets all the attention he desires as a result. WOW!! Comedy at it's finest. I sat with my mouth agape as I watched, wondering how a movie like this could be made. Then I realized it was written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait and all my questions were answered. This guy is nuts!! He made one interesting movie in the early 90's called Shakes The Clown (tagline: "The Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies"...funny), but he hasn't done ANYTHING of worth since then. Never, EVER watch his newest creation!
 - Krist Novoselic, bassist for the band Nirvana, makes a cameo appearance as a newspaper vendor.

Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past (2009)
"Starring": Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Michael Douglas, Anne Archer, Emma Stone, Lacey Chabert
Directed by: Mark Waters
IMDB Rating: 5.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 26%

Once again, I will revert to my original review on Flickster because it was fresh in my mind then.  First, let me just say, Matthew McConaughey has recently redeemed himself with "Dallas Buyers Club" and "True Detective": Charle Dickens has not only rolled over in his grave, but has come back to haunt director Mark Waters and everyone else involved for ruining his great story.  I am a fan of Matthew McConaughey's.  I don't know why, God knows he can't act...but he's easy to watch and usually fun.  Too bad this movie has turned me off of not only him but Jennifer Garner and Michael Douglas as well.  No laughs, play-by-numbers heart-stringing touches (that rarely work anyway) and a complete bore.  I didn't expect much from this film going in, and got even less.
 - Originally set to be filmed in 2003 with Ben Affleck in the lead and Kevin Smith directing.  The failure of "Gigli" scared producers who shelved the film for 5 years.

All About Steve (2009)
"Starring": Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper, Thomas Haden Church, Howard Hesseman
Directed by: Phil Traill
IMDB Rating: 4.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 7%

Another movie that made me so angry that I had to tell everybody about it on Flickster: I'm not sure if I laughed once as I watched this terrible movie.  Was Sandra Bullock's Mary supposed to be retarded?  Autistic?  I don't know...but if I were a woman, I'd be totally offened.  And then, the writers try to make up for it by giving her a renewed sense of self at the end????  Bah!!!  Stay away, people...stay far away!!!!
 - Nominated for 5 Razzie Awards: Worst Actress (Bullock), Worst Screen Couple, Worst Director, Worst Picture, Worst Screenplay.  It "won" the first two listed.
 - Sandra Bullock actually showed up at the Razzie ceremony to accept her "award".  She also became the first person to win a Razzie and an Oscar (for "The Blind Side") in the same year.

The Box (2009)
"Starring": Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank Langella
Directed by: Richard Kelly
IMDB Rating: 5.6
Rotten Tomatoes: 45%

Here is my review from this very blog, written on February 23, 2010:
The concept from the trailers makes one think that The Box is all about moral choices. Push this mysterious button and you'll get a million dollars, but someone in the world that you don't know will die. Ok...seems interesting. I know I'd push the button in a New York Minute! But this lead in has little to do with what transpires for the next hour and a bit. What does happen is the writer/director, Richard Kelly, loses his freakin' mind!!! Without giving too much away, some guy dies after getting hit by lightning, comes back to life after a martian...yes, martian...takes over his body, and now must test the human race. If that sounds weird, try watching it. The movie becomes a mismash of scenes that make no sense what-so-ever, plot lines that are totally forgotten about, and a Twin Peaks feels to the characters around the stars. Richard Kelly is responsible for the darkly funny, but confusing, Donnie Darko and one of the worst movies I've ever seen, Southland Tales. Well, he outdoes himself with The Box. It makes no sense at all and almost seems like an inside joke that you're way outside of. The performances aren't great either, as Cameron Diaz adopts an accent somewhere between New England and China!! And she looked terrible through most of the film, too. That may not be too important, but when the story goes crazy, at least it would have been nice to ogle Diaz.

Did You Hear About The Morgans? (2009)
"Starring": Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sam Elliott, Mary Steenburgen
Directed by: Marc Lawrence
IMDB Rating: 4.6
Rotten Tomatoes: 12%

Have I mentioned how I feel about Sarah Jessica Parker?  I thought so.  Here's my original review of this movie from March 16, 2010:

I didn't have great expectations when I put this movie in the old DVD player and I turned out to be right on the money. Grant and Parker play a separated, high profile couple that witness a murder. For their own protection they are sent to Wyoming until the FBI can locate the killer. Hilarity ensues...or tries to anyway. The jokes are lame, the writing is awful and Hugh Grant looks like he's embarrassed to be there. I usually like Grant's stuttering, English-style Bob Newhart shtick, but it just doesn't work here. Parker, who I never found talented or easy to look at, fails every step of the way. The only saving grace is Sam Elliott, finally back in his cowboy outfit that works incredibly well for him. The outtakes in the Special Features weren't even funny! Predictable and boring.
 - Nominated for 1 Razzie Award: Worst Actress (Parker)

Cop Out (2010)
"Starring": Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Kevin Pollak
Directed by: Kevin Smith
IMDB Rating: 5.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 19%

Tracy Morgan is the most talentless actor/comedian on Earth!  There it is, prove me wrong.  Here's the review I wrote on this blog on July 20, 2010:
I'll start by saying I never thought Tracy Morgan was funny. I think he is the biggest no-talent in Hollywood. I can't understand why people like him. After saying that, this movie is a perfect vehicle for him. It should show the world what I see. I didn't think that I'd like Cop Out from the commercials I saw for it. I had no idea how much I'd actually hate it!! From the opening sequence where Morgan is screaming his head off (yelling does not equal funny!!) and Willis is naming off all the movies that are referenced (give your audience a little bit of credit), to the outrageously unfunny dialogue, to the borrowed, but not quite exact, soundtrack from Beverly Hills Cop, this film was just one big mess. Kevin Smith is a very funny and talented writer and director. This was the first movie he directed without writing and he should have seen just how bad the script was. I've lost a ton of respect for him, but he can't be the only one to blame. Some would say this is an homage to the buddy cop flicks of the 1980's. I would tell those people to take their heads out of their asses and re-watch Beverly Hills Cop and 48 Hrs and the like, 'cause this crap doesn't come close to measuring up. (by the way, count how many times they say the word "homage" in the movie...it's ridiculous!). Sean William Scott's character is totally useless and childish and the bad guy is awful. Please stay away from watching this film...I beg you.

The Bounty Hunter (2010)
"Starring": Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler, Jason Sudeikis
Directed by: Andy Tennant
IMDB Rating: 5.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 13%

From my blog on July 13, 2010:
Director Andy Tennant, who has made such fluff as Hitch and Fool's Gold, has made another colour-by-numbers film that sounds like it could be fun, but is sooooo not! Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston are a divorced couple. She's a journalist who has obstructed justice and must face a court hearing. He's an ex-cop bounty hunter. Can you see where this is going? The premise has been done a million times...they hate each other, there's lots of yelling and screaming and bandying about, then they come to love each other all over again. Fine, I can take seeing this movie again. What I can't take is the inane subplot that brings them to work with one another...something about a murder or non-suicide or gun smuggling or who the hell knows what. Gerard Butler is not made for romantic comedies. He's not that great to look at (did he have a stroke at some point?) and I swear you could smell his b.o. through the screen. Aniston is there simply to be a skinnier, higher cheek boned Rachel Green. The chemistry between the two, if you can call it that, comes across incredibly forced. Oh, did I mention the absurd subplot??? I laughed, in spite of myself, at a couple of scenes, but all in all this is a movie that can easily be missed.
 - Nominated for 4 Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Actress (Aniston), Worst Actor (Butler), Worst Screen Couple.

Oh....My...Lord...that was so hard to do.  I've been working on this list for months.  Each time I worked on it I became angrier and angrier at all the people responsible for wasting my time over the years.  Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my little rants, and if you agree or disagree with some of my findings, let me know...that's the fun of hating movies, isn't it?