"Starring": Michelle Pfeiffer, Maxwell Caulfield, Lorna Luft, Adrien Zmed
Directed by: Patricia Birch
IMDB Rating: 3.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 22%
Here's the thing about sequels, they're almost always bad. Why? Because a sequel is usually rushed to the theatres to capitalize on the runaway success of it's predecessor. But because the first one is loved so much, it's very difficult to recapture the same magic. Case in point, "Grease 2". It actually took a full four years before someone said "Let's make some more crazy money by having a bunch of teens singing and dancing". Except this Maxwell Caulfield guy is no John Travolta, and Michelle Pfeiffer can't freakin' sing! The story seemed as though it was written in four days rather than four years and the worst part is the incredibly bad audio dubbing throughout the film. Maybe the original audio was burnt up in a fire (maybe set by Pfeiffer herself). The few people they got from the original (Sid Caesar, Eve Arden, Did Conn) look bored to death. People born a few years after me, who didn't get to see firsthand the craziness that was "Grease" when it was released, actually like this film. They're wrong...so, so wrong!!
- Director Patricia Birch was the choreographer from the original Grease movie. This was her first, and last, time as a director of a major film.
"Starring": John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John, Charles Durning, Oliver Reed, Scatman Crothers
Directed by: John Herzfeld
IMDB Rating: 4.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 20%
Wow, it really looks like I'm either a real "Grease" basher or I loved it so much that nothing even remotely like it can compare. (I think I'm firmly in the middle of that argument). So the dynamic duo of Travolta and Newton-John finally get back together five years after making history. ("Grease" was the highest grossing musical of all-time). This time God, yes that God, wants to start another great flood to wipe the slate clean on Earth 'cause he doesn't like whats goin' on down there. Four angels convince the Big Guy that there is hope and they'll prove it with Travolta, a failed inventor that needs to rob a bank to pay back some bad men. Still with me? Newton-John is the bank teller he holds up, she switches the cash for something else (can't even remember what) and now Johnny is in hot pursuit of Olivia. No singing, no dancing, but a lot of "What the heck is going on??". The only good thing to come out of this dreck was the song "Twist Of Fate", which really isn't all that good, but it's catchy.
- Nominated for 5 Razzie Awards: Worst Actor, Worst Actress, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay and Worst Picture. It didn't "win" any of them.
"Starring": Helen Slater, Faye Dunaway, Peter O'Toole, Mia Farrow, Peter Cook
Directed by: Jeannot Szwarc
IMDB Rating: 4.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 8%
OK, I can see why it was made. The "Superman" franchise was making huge money. Christopher Reeve was the perfect Man Of Steel. The movies were fun, adventurous, exciting with some, for it's time, cutting edge special effects. "Supergirl" has none of that going for it. First of all, Helen Slater has to be the worst casting choice EVER. She was totally emotionless. It seemed like she was reading her lines off of cue cards behind the camera. Just terrible! Peter O'Toole and Faye Dunaway ham it up so much that they become cartoon characters, and not in a good way. They needed to watch Gene Hackman's understated portrayal of Lex Luthor from the more successful "Superman" films. I don't know if this movie would have been so bad if the first two "Superman" movies weren't so good...but probably.
- Christopher Reeve was supposed to make a cameo appearance as "Superman" but scheduling conflicts kept that from happening.
- Nominated for two Razzie Awards: Worst Actor (O'Toole) and Worst Actress (Dunaway).
"Starring": Lorraine Gary, Lance Guest, Mario Van Peebles, Michael Caine
Directed by: Joseph Sargent
IMDB Rating: 2.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 0%
So, "Jaws" was a monster success, "Jaws 2" wasn't bad, "Jaws 3" was a complete mess. I got it, let's redeem ourselves and make another one. Problem is, this instalment is so insanely bad it's almost good, almost. The shark, a fish that swims and eats and nothing else, is actually exacting revenge for, I guess, the entire shark population, on Chief Brody's widow, played by the original wife from the first two "Jaws" films. The shark is exacting it's revenge. The shark! Somebody wrote this and thought it was brilliant. Then somebody said "Let me give you millions of dollars to make it into a blockbuster film". The SHARK exacts revenge!! Hello?!?!? What I will never understand is how producers got Michael Caine to appear in this film. The year before he was brilliant in "Hannah And Her Sisters". He had to have been drunk when he read this script, if he read it at all. People, THE SHARK EXACTS REVENGE!!!! Unbelievable!
- Nominated for 7 Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Actress, Worst Visual Effects, Worst Supporting Actor, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay. It "won" for the first four listed.
- When asked about the movie, Michael Caine has said "I've never seen it. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.".
"Starring": Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith
Directed by: Peter MacDonald
IMDB Rating: 5.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 36%
Once again, what started out as an interesting franchise falls apart when all involved think about how much money they can make. Forget a story that makes sense, forget spending millions on special effects, forget dialogue at all. This was an action film made purely for the testosterone laden fans of the first two films that loves watching things blow up. The story has Rambo's father figure, Richard Crenna, being held captive in Afghanistan. John Rambo has to free him, and takes on, what seems to be, the entire Afghan army by himself. I guess if he yells loud enough and long enough he can scare them into submission. There are sequences dozens of minutes long where Stallone is yelling, firing a monstrous machine gun and blowing up everything in sight. It just goes on and on and on. And the special effects are absolutely horrible! I swear you can see scenes where they used miniature models to blow up villages. You can see the tiny little men waiting to be annihilated. Just terrible!
- Nominated for five Razzie Awards: Worst Actor (Stallone), Worst Picture, Worst Supporting Actor (Crenna), Worst Director, Worst Screenpaly. It "won" the first three listed.
"Starring": Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Jason Robards, Piper Laurie, Harry Dean Stanton
Directed by: Marc Rocco
IMDB Rating: 5.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 0%
I saw this one in the theatres when it was released. I still had dreams of going to Hollywood and becoming a great screen star. Seeing the Corey's make it I thought it would be easy. Watching this in that dark, mostly empty theatre I began to think of others plans for my life. This movie was sooooo bad it made me not want to be an actor! That's some kind of power!! The body-switching comedies had become big, but this had to be the worst premise yet. Feldman and Robards exchange brains when they have a collision in Robards front yard. Feldman tries to use his new found life wisdom to get a girl he likes to fall for him. It's terrible! Not only is the acting atrocious, the screenplay ridiculous, but the added attempt at special effects fails so miserably that it's completely laughable. The story gets so convoluted that you lose track, and interest, very quickly. Again, how they got a fabulous actor like Jason Robards to appear in this film will always remain a mystery.
"Starring": Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, Dan Aykroyd, John Candy
Directed by: Dan Aykroyd
IMDB Rating: 4.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 9%
Love Dan Aykroyd. Love John Candy. Love Chevy Chase. Throw Demi Moore in there and all the comedy talent in the room falls to near nothing! But this movie had a lot of problems before Miss Moore was ever cast. I think what Aykroyd, who wrote the screenplay, was going for was a bit of a black comedy with slapstick elements throughout. Unfortunately none of it worked. The ridiculousness of the backwoods mansion and the crazy, poorly made-up judge made the movie uncomfortable to watch. Even more so was Chase hamming it up so hard that you can actually smell bacon! And did I mention Demi Moore? Why, oh why, would you cast a mostly dramatic actress, and not a good one at that, in a supposed comedy? You would be hard-pressed to find such a wooden and out-of-place performance than her's in this film. Just bad from start to finish!
- Nominated for six Razzie Awards: Worst Supporting Actor (Aykroyd), Worst Picture, Worst Actress (Moore), Worst Supporting Actress (Candy in drag), Worst Director and Worst Screenplay. It "won" the first three listed.
"Starring": Sylvester Stallone, Estelle Getty, JoBeth Williams
Directed by: Roger Spottiswoode
IMDB Rating: 3.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 4%
Ok, I get it. Take one of the biggest action stars of the era. Take one of the most popular actresses from one of the most popular comedic TV shows of the era. Stir well and out comes comic gold, right? Right? Somebody?? No, no, NO!!! This movie was in big trouble from the get-go, with a title that seemed like it was thought up by a four year old. The script is entirely predictable and unfunny. Stallone, who is a very smart and funny man if you were to listen to some of his interviews, should not be in broad comedies...ever! Funny one-liners, yes. Entire slapstick schmaltz, NO! There are few movies that are panned by just about everyone upon release, even fewer that deserve it. This is one of those rare gems that deserved every bad word written about it.
- Nominated and "won" three Razzie Awards: Worst Actor (Stallone), Worst Supporting Actress (Getty) and Worst Screenplay.
"Starring": Steven Seagal, Gary Busey, Tommy Lee Jones, Erika Eleniak
Directed by: Andrew Davis
IMDB Rating: 6.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 75%
Yup, people loved this film! Freakin' LOVED it!! I remember working at Jumbo Video when this was released on VHS and we couldn't keep the copies in stock. People would rent it and never return it just so they could watch it again and again. There are many reasons why I hate this movie, none more than multiple customers saying "It's 'Die Hard' on a boat!". It took everything in me to not punch these people in the face! "Die Hard" was brilliantly crafted, well acted, smart and action packed. This crap had some of the most over-the-top performances I can remember. The hero, Seagal, is one of the most boring martial artists around. He stands in one spot, lets the bad guy run up to him, lifts a leg and thats it! There is a scene in this film where an explosion blasts through a wall or a door or something and it is clear that miniature models were used. It's like a kid with his first video camera edited it together. Yes, I may be biased because of my love for "Die Hard", but I don't care...I will always hate this film!
- This dreck was actually nominated for two Academy Awards: Best Sound and Best Sound Effects Editing.
"Starring": Pauly Shore, Carla Gugino, Tiffani-Amber Thiessen
Directed by: Steve Rash
IMDB Rating: 5.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 22%
I think the only thing I've ever seen Pauly Shore in that I rather enjoyed was "Encino Man". Everything else he's done or been a part of has stank...but somebody keeps throwing money into his projects. Why?? His is a classic case of knowing the right people. (His mother, Mitzi, owns The Comedy Store in Los Angeles). Here he is the California surfer dude (surprise!) that is supposed to shock a good-girl's family when she tries to make a point. Through outrageous situations and side-splitting hilarity the two actually develop feelings for each other. It's a premise done in the movies and on TV a thousand times, but probably not as poorly as this film. If Pauly Shore is your "thing", go crazy, I'll give you a list of some of the worst comedies ever filmed and you can start with this one.
- Brendan Fraser, who starred with Shore in "Encino Man", makes a cameo appearance in this film.
"Starring": Brendan Fraser, Adam Sandler, Steve Buscemi, Chris Farley, Michael McKean, Judd Nelson
Directed by: Michael Lehmann
IMDB Rating: 5.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 21%
I had so much hope for this one. I was still enamoured by Adam Sandler, enjoying his SNL antics and not bugging the crap out of me just yet. I recently enjoyed Brendan Fraser in "Encino Man". And how great was Steve Buscemi in "Reservoir Dogs"?!? Well, get them all together with perhaps some of the worst writing for a film and you get this total disaster. Sandler began to get on my nerves. Fraser, as it turned out, could not take the lead in a comedy. Buscemi is totally miscast and looked bored throughout. I've said it before, if you're going to write a dark comedy, make sure you let the audience in on the joke...you can't write it for yourself, which is what happened with this dreck. Didn't laugh once, and had to push through just to finish in hopes there would be a big payoff in the last twenty minutes. There isn't!
- Lemmy, from Motorhead, makes a cameo appearance in the film.
"Starring": Sean Patrick Flanery, Mary Steenburgen, Jeff Goldblum, Lance Hendriksen
Directed by: Victor Salva
IMDB Rating: 6.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 47%
In order to show how disgusted I was with this film you need to know the backstory, something that totally influenced my feelings, right or wrong. The writer/director Victor Salva was convicted 7 years prior to the making of this film for child molestation, videotaping a 12 year old boy. Super Freakin' Creepy! Watching this film with that knowledge it's abundantly evident how this "man" feels about young children. There are a few scenes in the movie that, knowing what I knew, made me feel more uncomfortable than I've ever felt watching a movie. The movie may be better than I give it credit for, but it is one of those films that I will never watch again.
- Many of the cast and crew only found out about Silva's past halfway through filmmaking.
"Starring": Ellen DeGeneres, Bill Pullman, Joan Cusack, Dean Stockwell, Hope Davis
Directed by: Nick Castle
IMDB Rating: 3.6
Rotten Tomatoes: 4%
Here it is. The reason why Ellen DeGeneres should never be in a movie. She is great at what she does, making fun of herself on TV and giving hope to those who need it, but starring in a movie? No way! You've see it all before, a lonely woman meets the "perfect" man but slowly realizes that he is actually insane, although she can't convince anybody of it, making her seem like the insane one. Hardy har har. Done right, this premise can be quite funny and dark. Done wrong, well, you have this movie. Not a laugh to be found. Ellen is so far over the top that she's can't find any comic footing. Even though the supporting cast is filled with great actors, they can't bring this film back to where it should be. A real disappointment on all fronts.
- Nominated for one Razzie Award - Worst New Star (Ellen DeGeneres).
"Starring": Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Dan Hedaya, Stockard Channing
Directed by: Hugh Wilson
IMDB Rating: 6.0
Rotten Tomatoes: 39%
I realize people think this movie is funny, even great. I just don't get it. I hated every screeching second of it. And it's not because it's a "girl" movie (people have told me I don't get it because it's a movie made for women...I say nay!). We have three great comedic actresses that are given absolutely nowhere to go. There is no rhyme or reason to this film. It's basically the three of them running around, yelling at people and each other, trying to gain control of their lives. What really disturbs me about this movie is that it tries to show these women as strong "role models", getting revenge on the men that screwed up their lives. What it actually does is show how vindictive and petty women can be, not that I believe that, men are just as vindictive and petty, but it's counter-intuitive. And not a bit funny!
- The three leads were all born within 45 days of each other. They all celebrated their 50th birthdays together while filming.
"Starring": Jerry Springer, Jaime Pressly, William McNamara
Directed by: Neil Abramson
IMDB Rating: 3.1
Rotten Tomatoes: 25%
You know going into some films that you're in for a horrible time. But sometimes you want to know exactly how horrible. "Ringmaster" does not disappoint. It is as bad as you think it will be. Springer plays himself, the host of a terrible "reality" show where the guests are encouraged to be as nasty as they can be. We follow the antics of a dysfunctional family who are going to be on his show. The two stories collide with all the rudeness and ridiculousness that can be mustered. It's absolutely dreadful. "Ringmaster" could have been a genuine look into the lives of some of the guests who've appeared on the "The Jerry Springer Show" over the years, and why it's so successful, and what Jerry actually thinks of himself as the host. Instead, the movie devolves into unfunny crap!
- Jerry Springer "won" a Razzie Award for Worst New Star.
"Starring": Bruce Willis, Albert Finney, Nick Nolte, Barbara Hershey, Lucas Haas, Omar Epps, Buck Henry
Directed by: Alan Rudolph
IMDB Rating: 4.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 26%
I never read the book by Kurt Vonnegut, but I heard it was a great satire. I was eager to see the movie version just based on what I heard about the book. Turns out it made a whole lot of sense as to why this movie took over 20 years to get to the screen...and they should have waited another 20! There is far too much ground to cover and the technology at the time did not help create the fantasy world of the main character. The players played waaaaayy over the top, to the point that you couldn't even watch anymore. It was truly painful to behold. Similar to the travesty of "Bonfire Of The Vanities", here's a movie based on a beloved book that just went sideways...and quickly downhill.
- The rights to the novel was originally purchased by Dino DeLaurentis for Robert Altman to direct after Altman's success with "Nashville".
"Starring": Sean Patrick Flannery, Jerry O'Connell, Tara Reid, Amanda Peet, Ron Livingston
Directed by: Michael Cristofer
IMDB Rating: 4.9
Rotten Tomatoes: 11%
It is difficult for me to describe how awful this movie is. It was supposed to be, I think, a statement about dating in the '90's, the dangers of one night stands and spreading disease and shit like that. What we actually get is some of the worst acting I have ever witnessed (on par with "Plan 9 From Outer Space"...except these were real actors) and possibly the most vulgar characters you're going to see on the big screen. There is nothing, I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, likeable about any of the characters. Was that the point of this garbage? Maybe...but then why would I want to watch it at all?? This is the worst kind of film, one that tries to shove a point down your throat so hard that it makes you want to vomit. I would easily place this in the bottom five films I have ever sat through! Ugh!
- Originally titled "Jello Shots" but Kraft Foods (owners of the Jello brand) threatened to sue.
"Starring": Kevin Bacon, Elisabeth Shue, Josh Brolin, William Devane
Directed by: Paul Verhoeven
IMDB Rating: 5.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 27%
Here's another film the general public seemed to like when it was released. I remember walking out of the theatre, my friends going on and on about how thrilling the movie was, and me staring at them thinking they had just lost their minds. Ok, some of the effects were kind of cool, but the story was so stupid it could have been written by a five year old. It is completely predictable (scientist discover a way to make someone invisible, don't you think evil thoughts will result?!) and it just won't end. There must have been three separate times I thought "Finally, it's over" and then it would just keep going...kinda like "Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King" but in a really bad way! It really is too bad because I really like Shue and Bacon, but they couldn't do anything with this garbage.
- Was nominated for an Academy Award for it's Visual Effects.
"Starring": Adam Sandler, Harvey Keitel, Patricia Arquette, Rodney Dangerfield
Directed by: Steven Brill
IMDB Rating: 5.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 22%
This is the movie that made me hate Adam Sandler. "Happy Gilmore" was funny. "The Wedding Singer" was endearing. "Big Daddy" started to lose me, but this crap did the trick! I don't even know how it's possible to sit through the entire film in one sitting. Listening to Sandler's voice was like someone constantly running their fingernails down a chalkboard. But beyond that, the "jokes" are so childish, rude for rude's sake, that anyone with a bit of dignity couldn't possibly think they're funny. (I don't mean to insult anybody that may like this film, but come on!!) Keitel is completely wasted and it's a great mystery to me why he even agreed to be in the film. I vowed after this movie to never watch another Adam Sandler comedy again, but the bastard kept pulling me back in, each time disappointing me further. Total crap!
- Nominated for five Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Actor (Sandler), Supporting Actress (Arquette), Director and Screenplay.
"Starring": Chris Rock, Chazz Palminteri, Regina King, Eugene Levy
Directed by: Chris and Paul Weitz
IMDB Rating: 5.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 20%
And here's the movie that made me hate Chris Rock. I have never found him funny, even from his SNL days. This movie only solidified my opinion of him. This is a "remake" of "Heaven Can Wait" which was a remake of "Here Comes Mr. Jordan", both great films. In this one, Rock's character dies before his time and gets to come back to Earth as a millionaire. Trouble is, he is now the target of a hit. Hilarity ensues...at least that's what the writers and directors wanted. It seems like nobody told Rock not to laugh or smirk at his own jokes when filming a movie. And what the Hell was Chazz Palminteri thinking? His character is absolute nonsense. Just bad from start to finish.
- Chris Rock began to think about a remake of "Heaven Can Wait" after he heard Muhammad Ali ws pursued for the lead role in that film.
"Starring": Sylvester Stallone, Burt Reynolds, Gina Gershon, Kip Pardue
Directed by: Renny Harlin
IMDB Rating: 4.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 14%
Sylvester Stallone wrote "Rocky", one of the best sports movies of all-time, a beautiful character study. It's hard to believe that same man wrote this horrible, rambling, boring movie about CART racing. There is so much going on here (relationships with drivers, wives, wives of drivers, competitors, wives of competitors, etc.) and nothing comes to fruition. The racing effects are some of the worst you'll ever see as well. It should be exciting, edge of your seat kind of stuff, but it fails miserably. I often refer to this film as "Drivel" because it makes me laugh, but it really is that bad.
- Nominated for 7 Razzie Awards: Worst Supporting Actress (Estella Warren), Worst Picture, Worst Screen Couple (Stallone and Reynolds), Worst Supporting Actor x2 (Stallone and Reynolds), Worst Director and Worst Screenplay. Warren was the only "winner".
"Starring": Jerry O'Connell, Shannon Elizabeth, Jake Busey, Jaime Pressly, Horatio Sanz
Directed by: Gregory Poirier
IMDB Rating: 5.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 15%
After "American Pie" became such a huge success in 1999 there were multiple copycat movies to come out trying to catch a bit of that success. None of them were as bad as "Tomcats"! The story basically revolves around a group of friends that make a bet to see who will be the last bachelor standing. Years pass and we're down to two. Crazy antics ensue in order to win the prize. But here's the problem; "American Pie" was a great success because of it's sweet, self-effacing nature. Yes, Stiffler was a jerk, but he was meant to be a jerk and the audience accepted it. With "Tomcats" the joke is totally lost on the viewer. It comes across as mean, misogynistic, rude and completely unfunny. It's actually interesting to watch just to see how far off the mark it is. Really, really bad!
- Never heard of Gregory Poirier? This is the only movie he has directed...thank the Lord!
"Starring": Tom Green, Rip Torn, Harland Williams, Anthony Michael Hall
Directed by: Tom Green
IMDB Rating: 4.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 11%
Being Canadian, I was introduced to Tom Green a long time ago, first as a rapper, then as a late night talk show host. He's weird, always has been and probably always will be. When he became popular enough to write, direct and get funding for a feature film I was pretty excited. Then the reviews came in; "Worst Movie Ever" was bandied about a lot. I had to see it, how bad could it be? Well, very close to the worst movie ever! It is gross, rude and made purely for shock value. I can honestly say I did not laugh once. I don't want to sound like a prude but somebody has to explain to mean how child molestation is a good topic for a comedy. It's pretty clear that the world got sick of Tom Green soon after this film was released, and rightly so.
- Nominated for 8 Razzie Awards; Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Green), Worst Screen Couple (Green and any animal he abuses), Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actor (Torn), Worst Supporting Actress x2 (Drew Barrymore and Julie Hagerty). It "won" the first five listed AND, 2010, was nominated for Worst Picture Of The Decade.
"Starring": Anna Farris, Marlon Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Tim Curry, James Woods, Tori Spelling
Directed by: Keenan Ivory Wayans
IMDB Rating: 5.1
Rotten Tomatoes: 15%
I actually enjoyed the first "Scary Movie". It took it's time to set up jokes and delivered on most of them. It came out at a perfect time, right after the resurgence of teen slasher pics like "Scream" and "I Know What You Did Last Summer". So, like most farces that are successful, the producers rush out a second to make even more money. That's a huge problem. Too often, as in the case of this crud, nothing turns out funny, just rude and gross. It's like a collection of fart jokes made to make the most immature shoot Sprite out of their noses. The franchise did bounce back for a while, as if they knew this second instalment wasn't worth the paper it was written on.
- Marlon Brando was paid $1-million for the role played by James Woods. Brando became ill just before filming and was allowed to keep the money.
"Starring": John Cusack, Julia Roberts, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Billy Crystal, Hank Azaria, Christopher Walken, Alan Arkin
Directed by: Joe Roth
IMDB Rating: 5.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 31%
It is possible that I rated this movie so low simply because I was sure I'd like it. I love John Cusack. I like Julia Roberts and Zeta-Jones. I often think Billy Crystal is brilliant! So where did this movie go wrong? Um, everywhere! There's a lot going on here but the basics is a couple of movie stars that the world loves to love are in the middle of a nasty split...during a press junket for their latest film. The movie's producer needs to make the world believe all is good so that people will come see the film. There are many side stories and characters introduced and forgotten along the way. The two main problems with the movie are 1) it's not funny and 2) I couldn't give a crap about any of the characters...none of them. I honestly don't even remember how this movie ends because I stopped paying attention so early on, but I'm sure if it ended well I would have remembered. Blah!
- Billy Crystal, who wrote the film, was going to direct until he showed it to studio mogul Joe Roth. Roth decided to direct the film himself, the first time in 11 years.
"Starring": Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Selma Blair, Thomas Jane, Jason Bateman
Directed by: Roger Kumble
IMDB Rating: 5.0
Rotten Tomatoes: 26%
I have heard a lot of people tell me they loved this movie, mostly women. I watched it once and hated it, but after hearing so many people tell me how funny they thought it was, I had to try again. Turns out I was wrong. It was soooo much worse than I first thought! It's a whole bunch of "skits" put together with no real purpose at all. There is barely a story and the "skits" are so dumb and unfunny that I had to look away at times. Diaz hams it up through the whole movie, so much so that you couldn't care if got hit by a Mack truck. Blair looked absolutely bored throughout. Applegate seemed to be the only one that got the joke, and she knew it wasn't funny either! One of the worst written movies I've seen and a total waste of time...TWICE!!
- The three leads wrote "The Penis Song", and world is a better place because of it!
"Starring": Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Rachel Weisz, Amy Poehler, Christopher Walken
Directed by: Barry Levinson
IMDB Rating: 4.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 7%
Oh, how I love Ben Stiller. And, oh, how I tolerate Jack Black. But, oh my, when they decided to get together for a dark comedy somebody should have told them to READ THE SCRIPT! This was bad, really bad. The story had potential...Black and Stiller are best buds until an invention by Black takes the world by storm. Now he's filthy rich and Stiller is crazy jealous. Unfortunately, all the comedy is strained and hard to watch. Black is so over-the-top that you have to look away more often than not. I can't pinpoint the exact moment where this film fell of the tracks, but it does, and it does hard! So very disappointing, especially since it was directed by a usually rock solid Barry Levinson.
- Jack Black and producer Jeffrey Katzenberg actually took time to publicly apologize for this film during a press conference for "Shark Tale".
- Ben Stiller was "nominated" for a Worst Actor Razzie for his part in the film.
"Starring": Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick, Bette Midler, Glenn Close, Christopher Walken, Jon Lovitz
Directed by: Frank Oz
IMDB Rating: 5.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 26%
The original "Stepford Wives" was interesting, not great, but passable. It was creepy in all the right places. This updated version, playing more like a comedy than a sci-fi thriller is creepy as well, but for all the wrong reasons. Jokes fly by without nary a snicker. Scenes that were made to look tense and exciting rather make one yawn in boredom. Special effects are totally wasted, as are the actors. This is another mis-hit from a usually competent director. But watching Nicole Kidman try to be funny is painful (although she did a fabulous job in 1995's "To Die For"). It pains me to say this, but the only redeeming factor in this film is, ugh, Bette Midler.
- There were huge problems with the actors and director while filming. Due to test screenings going so poorly, the script was re-written several times and scenes were re-shot or deleted entirely making everybody involved resentful.
"Starring": Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, Benjamin Bratt, Lambert Wilson
Directed by: Pitof (Jean-Christophe Comar)
IMDB Rating: 3.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 9%
Rarely has a superhero movie misfired so badly. There are other examples, for sure, even on this list, of ones that just didn't live up to the hype. But "Catwoman" was a bomb from start to finish. Here's the biggest problem; it is incredibly hard to follow. These types of movies need to use tricks to keep the audience excited (quick camera movements, lots of fast edits, special effects), but when these tricks are overused, all it leaves is mass confusion for the audience. Scenes start and finish so quickly that we don't have a chance to absorb anything. The movie simply turns into eye-candy with zero substance. And not even good eye-candy...it's like the worst of your Halloween grab that you eventually throw away. Oh, and Sharon Stone has never been worse, and that's saying a lot!!
- Nominated for 7 Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Actress (Berry), Worst Director (Pitof), Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actor (Wilson), Worst Supporting Actress (Stone), Worst Screen Couple. It "won" the first four listed.
"Starring": Tracey Ullman, Selma Blair, Johnny Knoxville, Chris Isaak, Patty Hearst
Directed by: John Waters
IMDB Rating: 5.1
Rotten Tomatoes: 53%
I must say, I have never understood people's fascination with John Waters. The ten minutes I watched of "Pink Flamingos" made me want to throw up. He made a half descent film in "Hairspray", but everything else he's done seems to have been for shock value alone. I gave this one a try because I love Tracey Ullman. She is the only reason to ever watch this film, because the rest will make you feel dirty and ashamed. Again, shock with no substance whatsoever. Waters kind of reminds me of Ed Wood. He has a following of supporters that claim he's a great innovator of cult comedies, but all I see is poor filmmaking and gross-out decision making. If that's your thing then go crazy. For me, I can live without it.
- Hit with an MPAA rating of NC-17. When asked what would be needed to delete or alter to obtain an R-rating, the MPAA replied the movie would be only 10 minutes long if they took out everything listed.
"Starring": Queen Latifah, Jimmy Fallon, Jennifer Esposito, Gisele Bundchen, Ann-Margret
Directed by: Tim Story
IMDB Rating: 4.3
Rotten Tomatoes: 10%
This film was remade from a French film by the same name that was, apparently, funny. How could the original be funny and the remake suck so bad? Well, it has something to do with the actors involved. I love Jimmy Fallon...he's smart and hilariously funny. I enjoy Queen Latifah as well, when she's not trying too hard. What happens here is a mess of bad-timing, uncaring, over-acting, and horribly unfunny stars. Latifah is so wacky that it starts to grate on you. Fallon looks completely out of place and the lines given to him wouldn't work if Bob Hope or Jack Benny said them. (Yes, I think those two men are comic geniuses!). If all that wasn't bad enough, its a story you've seen a thousand times before with poor edits that take away from the only redeemable thing in the film, the stunt work. So very disappointing.
"Starring": Colin Farrell, Anthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, Rosario Dawson, Jared Leto, Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Directed by: Oliver Stone
IMDB Rating: 5.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 16%
I will admit to this right upfront, I did not watch this entire movie. I fell asleep at around the two hour mark. Maybe the last hour had something phenomenally great going on, I'll never know, because I will never watch this film again. To make the life of one of the most interesting men the world has ever seen boring if a great feat indeed. Oliver Stone has always been hit or miss with me, more often hit, but when he misses, he misses big. Farrell does an adequate job, as does Hopkins and Jolie (although believing Jolie is Alexander's mother is a bit of a stretch). But so often I was hoping for more. More anything. The scenes with Hopkins seem to last for days. The scenes where a battle is coming seem to take forever to get to the actual battle. This was a complete misfire from start to, well, the two hour mark anyway.
- Nominated for 6 Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Farrell), Worst Actress (Jolie), Worst Supporting Actor (Kilmer), Worst Director, Worst Screenplay.
"Starring": Jenny McCarthy, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Carmen Electra
Directed by: John Asher
IMDB Rating: 3.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 4%
The only reason I decided to watch this movie was to stare at Jenny McCarthy. I know, it's shallow and sexist, but she's got a great body! Unfortunately there were words and actions throughout that made me want to throw something at my TV! The story is familiar, a beautiful woman just can't meet the right man, and all attempts end in hilarious heartache. Only someone forgot the hilarity. If ever you needed to note the difference between clever and inane, rude, dirty, gross attempts at comedy, you need look no further. It really is a shame since I truly believe Jenny McCarthy has some very good comedic timing. She has an ability to laugh at herself which usually makes it easy for the viewer to laugh along. Something went terribly wrong with this drivel, though.
- Nominated for 6 Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Actress (McCarthy), Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actress (Electra), Worst Screen Couple. It "won" the first four listed.
"Starring": Nicole Kidman, Will Ferrell, Shirley MacLaine, Michael Caine, Jason Schwartzman, David Alan Grier, Kristin Chenoweth
Directed by: Nora Ephron
IMDB Rating: 4.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 25%
Oh, Nicole. You failed so much at updating a movie, "The Stepford Wives", and now you've nearly ruined a beloved TV series. And Nora Ephron?? Usually so great at writing funny relationship scripts...what happened? Kidman was trying way too hard. Her little knowing wink to the audience made her look like she was pulling one over on us, but we just didn't care. Ferrell, chained to the script he was given, was almost invisible. He needs to be able to improvise, add to the script, but you could tell he was handcuffed. I loved the original TV series with Elizabeth McGovern, and I was jazzed about seeing this update. Perhaps that's why I was soooooo disappointed.
- Nominated for 5 Razzie Awards: Worst Screen Couple, Worst Actor (Ferrell), Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, Worst Remake or Sequel. It "won" the first listed.
"Starring": Rob Schneider, Eddie Griffin, Jeroen Krabbe
Directed by: Mike Bigelow
IMDB Rating: 4.6
Rotten Tomatoes: 9%
Ok, first a little embarrassing information - I liked the original "Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo". I know...one of the few. It reminded me, slightly, of Dan Aykrotd's character on SNL back in the '70's, Fred Garvin Male Prostitute. Just a dude that should never be getting any, never mind charging people for it. Anyway, I was actually looking forward to the sequel. Oh, what a shame! Anything that resembled comedy from the first movie quickly disappeared. Any kind of empathy or even sympathy that one felt for the main character had vanished as well. This was simply a quick succession of off-coloured jokes and predictable outcomes. Sometimes it's fun to see the punchline ahead of time. It's not fun when you can see them all!
- Nominated for 5 Razzie Awards: Worst Actor (Schneider), Worst Picture, Worst Screen Couple, Worst Screenplay, Worst Remake or Sequel. It "won" the first listed.
Harsh Times (2005)
"Starring": Christian Bale, Eva Longoria, Freddy Rodriguez, J.K. Simmons
Directed by: David Ayer
IMDB Rating: 7.0
Rotten Tomatoes: 48%
I have no idea why so many people liked this movie. It's completely beyond me. Here's what I saw; Christian Bale beating the crap out of everybody, people doing copious amounts of drugs, and complete sentences of only swear words. I don't know people like this, I can't empathize with people like this, and I certainly couldn't give a flying f*@k about people like this...so why waste my time making a movie about people like this?!?!? Every passing moment as I watched this movie made me angrier and angrier, and not at the plot, which I suppose is what was expected, but at the writers, the director, the actors trying to make me think that this was an important film, one that would give me insight into the mind of troubled war vets. It is simply gratuitous all the way through with zero redeeming quality! I have no idea why so many people liked this movie!
- Christian Bale auditioned for a role in Ayer's other film "Training Day" but lost out to Ethan Hawke. Ayer liked Bale's audition and promised to cast him in "Harsh Times" if it ever got made.
Revolver (2005)
"Starring": Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Vincent Pastore
Directed by: Guy Ritchie
IMDB Rating: 6.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 17%
Guy Ritchie. Quite an enigma. He made fabulously fun films in "Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch". Then he decides to do a remake of "Swept Away" with his wife Madonna that was universally panned. Then, this, a movie so convoluted that the viewer needs to give up on it in order to save their own sanity. If you can follow what is happening on screen, write a paper on it and it will be published in every psychiatric magazine in the world! Ritchie still knows how to film an action sequence, no doubt, but if we can;t understand why the characters do what they do, who cares?? And Ray Liotta is so bad that it becomes funny, and not in a good way. Horribly disappointing and impossible to understand.
- Both Vinnie Jones and Harvey Keitel turned down roles in the film. Good choice!
"Starring": Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Vincent Pastore
Directed by: Guy Ritchie
IMDB Rating: 6.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 17%
Guy Ritchie. Quite an enigma. He made fabulously fun films in "Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch". Then he decides to do a remake of "Swept Away" with his wife Madonna that was universally panned. Then, this, a movie so convoluted that the viewer needs to give up on it in order to save their own sanity. If you can follow what is happening on screen, write a paper on it and it will be published in every psychiatric magazine in the world! Ritchie still knows how to film an action sequence, no doubt, but if we can;t understand why the characters do what they do, who cares?? And Ray Liotta is so bad that it becomes funny, and not in a good way. Horribly disappointing and impossible to understand.
- Both Vinnie Jones and Harvey Keitel turned down roles in the film. Good choice!
"Starring": Charlize Theron, Frances McDormand, Pete Postlethwaite, Sophie Okonedo
Directed by: Karyn Kusama
IMDB Rating: 5.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 10%
I remember the awful reviews when this movie was first released in the theatres. I thought "how bad could it be??". Lots of action, futuristic story and, my God, Charlize Theron in a skin-tight leotard. Well, you know it has to be pretty awful if I couldn't even muster an extra mark for the wardrobe! I have a feeling that the original cartoon that the movie is based on was trying to show powerful women doing powerful things. Unfortunately that doesn't at all translate to film. Instead, all the audience is left with is the blatant sexualization of the characters. The story is completely lost in the inane action sequences. We care not what happens to our heroine, as long as we get to see her jumping around in those wonderful costumes. A complete waste of time and energy.
- Darren Aronofsky, director of "Requiem For A Dream" and "Black Swan", was originally attached to direct this movie. Might have been much better had he.
"Starring": Milla Jovovich, Cameron Bright, Nick Chinlund
Directed by: Kurt Wimmer
IMDB Rating: 4.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 9%
I think one of my favourite quoted reviews of this movie would be "Ultra-dumb", because that's what it is. In the future, some sort of disease makes people nearly superhuman. They, of course, now want to rule society, but the regular folk aren't too pleased. A diseased woman, who has some sort of vendetta on just about everything that moves, sides with the regular folk and all Holy Hell breaks out. Blech. As with "Aeon Flux", if there wasn't a good looking woman jumping around in tight clothes I would have turned this drivel off right quick! Even the action sequences are boring.
- Writer/director Kurt Wimmer, who made a very good movie a few years prior called "Equilibrium", said his original cut of the movie was 120 minutes and contain more of an emotional feel. The studio insisted he re-edit for more action, cutting the time to 88 minutes.
"Starring": Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, Jon Favreau, Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Bateman, Judy Davis, Justin Long
Directed by: Peyton Reed
IMDB Rating: 5.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 34%
I love Vince Vaughn. I always enjoyed Jennifer Aniston on "Friends". I do not like the two of them together. This was an interesting concept gone totally wrong by trying to decide to make a broad comedy or a black comedy. Unfortunately they tried to combine both and came out with a boring, rude, mean and completely unfunny movie! I hated both of these characters from almost the start of the film. Why would I care at all what happens to either one of them?? Some of the supporting players come in to try and save this mess, but they only make it worse! And let me tell you point blank and without any sarcasm at all - WORST ENDING EVER!!!!! It's like the writers just gave up and said "Ending now, bye bye.". So awful!
- Vince Vaughn's real life dad plays Jennifer Aniston's father in the film.
"Starring": Uma Thurman, Luke Wilson, Anna Faris, Rainn Wilson, Wanda Sykes
Directed By: Ivan Reitman
IMDB Rating: 5.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 40%
First of all, you've seen this movie before, about a thousand times in one way or another. Second, you should hate yourself for thinking it would be any better than those other ones...I do! Uma Thurman is the superhuman maiden here. If there was an award given for most over-acting and hamming for the camera it would be christened the Uma for her role in this film. It was painful to watch just how over-the-top she was. On the other end of the scale we have Luke Wilson who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else than in this movie. (Although, I can't really blame him). Ivan Reitman has directed some great comedies in his time, but this is easily on the bottom of his list. Very disappointing.
- Filming only took four weeks. There's a clear sign nobody cared!
"Starring": Dwayne Johnson, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Seann William Scott, Janeane Garofalo, Nora Dunn, John Lovitz, Mandy Moore, Justin Timberlake
Directed by: Richard Kelly
IMDB Rating: 5.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 37%
Richard Kelly was the man responsible for the ultra-weird, yet highly entertaining cult film "Donnie Darko". I was very excited to see this movie, his next feature, especially since it had Dwayne Johnson in it, someone I think is as powerful a movie presence there is these days. OH MY GOD was this bad! I have no idea what was happening through most of the film, or why for that matter. There seemed to be absolutely no story to follow, just a smattering of increasingly horribly acted and disastrously written vignettes that made less and less sense. Scene after scene we are introduced to characters, played by some usually reliable actors and comedians, that have nothing to do with anything at all. And this crap was in contention for the Palme D'Or at Cannes!!! How??!?!? I can easily say that this movie is Top 5 of the movies I think should be burned and never shown anywhere ever again!
- "One of the most confusing, ridiculous, pretentious and disastrous cinematic train wrecks I've ever seen." - review by Richard Roeper.
"Starring": Eddie Murphy, Thandie Newton, Terry Crews, Cuba Gooding Jr.
Directed by: Brian Robbins
IMDB Rating: 3.9
Rotten Tomatoes: 9%
The best thing about this movie is it's tagline: "Have You Ever Made A Really Big Mistake?". That's freakin' hilarious considering the total mistake of a movie this turned out to be. It is as bad, if not worse than everything you've heard about it. The character of Norbit is barely watchable, and he's the one we're supposed to feel for. The Rasputia character is soooooooo bad that I had to actually mute the TV when I she came on screen. Murphy actually hit a good note with his "Nutty Professor" movies, and all his characters played off each other quite well, but everything went horribly wrong with "Norbit". Horribly, horribly wrong!
- Nominated for 8 Razzie Awards: Worst Actor (Murphy), Worst Supporting Actress (Murphy), Worst Supporting Actor (Murphy), Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Gooding Jr.), Worst Screen Couple, Worst Screenplay, Worst Director. It "won" the first three listed.
"Starring": Gaspard Ulliel, Rhys Ifans, Li Gong, Dominic West
Directed by: Peter Webber
IMDB Rating: 6.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 15%
Can a single performance ruin an entire film? Yes, YES, a thousand times YES!!! Gaspard Ulliel is quite possibly the worst actor I have ever witnessed, and you've seen the kind of movies I've watched! I would, in a heartbeat, have rather seen Rob Schneider in the role of a young Hannibal Lecter. I'm not even remotely kidding!! The folks that have played Hannibal Lecter in the past (Anthony Hopkins and Brian Cox especially) knew that this character was filled with emotion, but very controlled emotion. They're performances allow you to see the passion behind those psychotic, evil eyes. Ulliel is completely emotionless. It's like watching a painting! Beyond his atrocious performance is a story that is so slow and meandering that the viewer loses interest very quickly. A huge disappointment as Lecter is easily one of the most interesting characters to ever appear on film.
- Nominated for 2 Razzie Awards: Worst Prequel Or Sequel, Worst Excuse For A Horror Movie
"Starring": Dave Foley, Zack Ward, Verne Troyer, J.K. Simmons, Michael Pare
Directed by: Uwe Boll
IMDB Rating: 4.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 7%
Uwe Boll is this generation's Ed Wood, except he's so much worse. Ed Wood had a passion for movie making, but just made bad movies. Boll could give a shit and it shows. This, probably one of the worst movies you'll ever see, is based on a video game that was banned in many countries because of it's violence and message. Think about that for a second...a video game's message worse than Grand Theft Auto's. So, Boll decides to make a movie about it and in doing so manages to insult just about every living thing on Earth! None of it is funny, and I'm sorry to say, if you think there is any redeemable value in this film, you are simply psychotic. I watched it to see just how bad it could be, and maybe you will too, but I can assure you, you will hate yourself for it!
- Nominated for three Razzie Awards: Worst Director, Worst Supporting Actor (Troyer and Boll). It "won" the first listed.
"Starring": Nicole Kidman, Jack Black, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Flora Cross
Directed by: Noah Baumbach
IMDB Rating: 6.0
Rotten Tomatoes: 52%
Noah Baumbach wrote and directed a really nice, quirky movie about family dysfunction called "The Squid And The Whale" that I really liked. His next movie was this one, so I had high hopes. What I got was the Frankenstein's monster of dysfunctional family movies. Every character that was introduced was worse than the previous. I hated everybody! I don't know if Baumbach actually grew up with people like this wandering around but, if so, he is in need of many years of therapy. I just didn't get it. Sure the actors did well, the scenery was nice, but if there isn't one redeeming value in any of the people on screen, what's the point?? I remember bringing this movie home from the video store, talking it up as the next great film from the guy who did "The Squid And The Whale", a movie my wife actually liked, watching it, and having my wife hate me for a week for making her watch it. I gotta say, I couldn't blame her!
- Nicole Kidman, Jack Black and Jennifer Jason Leigh lived together for a while to prepare for the film.
"Starring": Michael Caine, Jude Law
Directed by: Kenneth Branagh
IMDB Rating: 6.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 36%
Oh, Kenneth Branagh, what have ye done??? Please, stick to Shakespeare. You took what was an incredible stage play, an even better film in the 1970's, and made it laughable, almost completely unwatchable. If you have ever had the pleasure of seeing the original "Sleuth" with Caine and Laurence Olivier there is never a need to even think about watching this remake. Everything that was fun and entertaining in that first telling is gone. Not only is it gone, but somehow, someway, a homo-erotic undertone embodies the entire film, completely unnecessarily! I can't even surmise what it was, but both myself and my wife felt it immediately and we both thought "why????". So bad!
- Harold Pinter reworked the screenplay to follow the main idea of the original with completely different dialogue.
"Starring": Dennis Quaid, Thomas Haden Church, Sarah Jessica Parker, Ellen Page
Directed by: Noam Murro
IMDB Rating: 6.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 50%
Ever heard of this film? No? Know why? It stinks!! The only comically ironic thing about the film is it's title. Here are a bunch of people that you would never spend any time with because they are the most pretentious, unfunny sots in the world. So why would anyone be entertained by it?? Again, dark comedy needs to have some sort of meaning to it's audience in order for them to "get" it. If you know people like this, maybe you'd find it a bit amusing, but I feel incredibly sorry for you! Sarah Jessica Parker cannot act. Not now, not ever. Her last good role was in "Square Pegs"from 1982, yet people keep on casting her in stuff...don't know why.
- Rachel Weisz was originally cast in the role Parker plays, but she dropped out.
"Starring": Vince Vaughn, Reese Witherspoon, Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, Mary Steenburgen, Jon Voight, Jon Favreau
Directed by: Seth Gordon
IMDB Rating: 5.6
Rotten Tomatoes: 25%
Just because a film takes place during the Christmas season does not make it a "Christmas Movie". Those types of movies, to me, have some kind of redemption for the main characters....Scrooge, Bailey, John McClane. There is nothing of the sort with this film. It's just mean people doing mean things and not giving a shit about consequences. There is no "feel good" anywhere. In fact, there are very few laughs anywhere either. Vaughn is obviously making up his own lines as he goes along. And the great collection of actors look more bored than you would be watching them! When a movie has 4 writers, you know that things can't be great.
- All the parents in the film are Oscar winners: Voight, Steenburgen, Duvall and Spacek.
"Starring": Samuel L. Jackson, Gabriel Macht, Scarlett Johansson, Jaime King, Eva Mendes
Directed by: Frank Miller
IMDB Rating: 4.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 14%
After the great success of "Sin City", the creator of that series thought he could direct his own movie in the same style. Do you know why it's taken almost 10 years for the second "Sin City" movie to come out? It's because of the travesty that is this film. Filmed in the style of "Sin City", so the look is kinda cool, but following a story that can't be followed, even with a map! The characters or so over-the-top that they lose any inkling of believability that the characters in "Sin City" seemed to maintain. And the dialogue...holy crap! Some of the worst lines you're ever going to hear in a film. I think they wanted to be hip, edgy even. Instead they came out sounding idiotic. In a few months we'll see how Frank Miller did with "Sin City 2". It better be better than this shite.
"Starring": Seth Rogen, Anna Faris, Ray Liotta, Michael Pena
Directed by: Jody Hill
IMDB Rating: 5.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 51%
Here is the review I wrote for this film on Flickster after I watched it: One character utters the line "I thought it would be funny, but it's just kind of sad". This should have been the tagline for what is probably the worst film I've seen in years! Not one redeemable quality in any of the characters. I am a big fan of dark comedies...this is not a dark comedy. This is a comedy gone horribly wrong! It's one thing to be offensive and funny ("40 Year-Old Virgin"), it's quite another to be strictly offensive. The writer-director of the equally un-funny "Foot Fist Way" has actually outdone himself. STAY AWAY!!!! Well, that about sums it up...really, really bad!
- The role played by Ray Liotta was originally written for Danny McBride, who couldn't commit due to scheduling conflicts.
"Starring": Robin Williams, Daryl Sabara, Naomi Glick
Directed by: Bobcat Goldthwait
IMDB Rating: 7.0
Rotten Tomatoes: 89%
What did I miss?!?!? 89% on Rotten Tomatoes?? Are you kidding me? This movie was such a miss for me that it actually made me angry. Here's my original review from this blog: So here's the set-up: a father of a horribly rude, shit of a kid decides to make it look like his son's accidental death by asphyxiating himself while masturbating was just a simple suicide. The kid becomes an icon at a school that didn't even know his name and the father gets all the attention he desires as a result. WOW!! Comedy at it's finest. I sat with my mouth agape as I watched, wondering how a movie like this could be made. Then I realized it was written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait and all my questions were answered. This guy is nuts!! He made one interesting movie in the early 90's called Shakes The Clown (tagline: "The Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies"...funny), but he hasn't done ANYTHING of worth since then. Never, EVER watch his newest creation!
- Krist Novoselic, bassist for the band Nirvana, makes a cameo appearance as a newspaper vendor.
"Starring": Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Michael Douglas, Anne Archer, Emma Stone, Lacey Chabert
Directed by: Mark Waters
IMDB Rating: 5.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 26%
Once again, I will revert to my original review on Flickster because it was fresh in my mind then. First, let me just say, Matthew McConaughey has recently redeemed himself with "Dallas Buyers Club" and "True Detective": Charle Dickens has not only rolled over in his grave, but has come back to haunt director Mark Waters and everyone else involved for ruining his great story. I am a fan of Matthew McConaughey's. I don't know why, God knows he can't act...but he's easy to watch and usually fun. Too bad this movie has turned me off of not only him but Jennifer Garner and Michael Douglas as well. No laughs, play-by-numbers heart-stringing touches (that rarely work anyway) and a complete bore. I didn't expect much from this film going in, and got even less.
- Originally set to be filmed in 2003 with Ben Affleck in the lead and Kevin Smith directing. The failure of "Gigli" scared producers who shelved the film for 5 years.
"Starring": Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper, Thomas Haden Church, Howard Hesseman
Directed by: Phil Traill
IMDB Rating: 4.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 7%
Another movie that made me so angry that I had to tell everybody about it on Flickster: I'm not sure if I laughed once as I watched this terrible movie. Was Sandra Bullock's Mary supposed to be retarded? Autistic? I don't know...but if I were a woman, I'd be totally offened. And then, the writers try to make up for it by giving her a renewed sense of self at the end???? Bah!!! Stay away, people...stay far away!!!!
- Nominated for 5 Razzie Awards: Worst Actress (Bullock), Worst Screen Couple, Worst Director, Worst Picture, Worst Screenplay. It "won" the first two listed.
- Sandra Bullock actually showed up at the Razzie ceremony to accept her "award". She also became the first person to win a Razzie and an Oscar (for "The Blind Side") in the same year.
"Starring": Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank Langella
Directed by: Richard Kelly
IMDB Rating: 5.6
Rotten Tomatoes: 45%
Here is my review from this very blog, written on February 23, 2010:
The concept from the trailers makes one think that The Box is all about moral choices. Push this mysterious button and you'll get a million dollars, but someone in the world that you don't know will die. Ok...seems interesting. I know I'd push the button in a New York Minute! But this lead in has little to do with what transpires for the next hour and a bit. What does happen is the writer/director, Richard Kelly, loses his freakin' mind!!! Without giving too much away, some guy dies after getting hit by lightning, comes back to life after a martian...yes, martian...takes over his body, and now must test the human race. If that sounds weird, try watching it. The movie becomes a mismash of scenes that make no sense what-so-ever, plot lines that are totally forgotten about, and a Twin Peaks feels to the characters around the stars. Richard Kelly is responsible for the darkly funny, but confusing, Donnie Darko and one of the worst movies I've ever seen, Southland Tales. Well, he outdoes himself with The Box. It makes no sense at all and almost seems like an inside joke that you're way outside of. The performances aren't great either, as Cameron Diaz adopts an accent somewhere between New England and China!! And she looked terrible through most of the film, too. That may not be too important, but when the story goes crazy, at least it would have been nice to ogle Diaz.
"Starring": Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sam Elliott, Mary Steenburgen
Directed by: Marc Lawrence
IMDB Rating: 4.6
Rotten Tomatoes: 12%
Have I mentioned how I feel about Sarah Jessica Parker? I thought so. Here's my original review of this movie from March 16, 2010:
I didn't have great expectations when I put this movie in the old DVD player and I turned out to be right on the money. Grant and Parker play a separated, high profile couple that witness a murder. For their own protection they are sent to Wyoming until the FBI can locate the killer. Hilarity ensues...or tries to anyway. The jokes are lame, the writing is awful and Hugh Grant looks like he's embarrassed to be there. I usually like Grant's stuttering, English-style Bob Newhart shtick, but it just doesn't work here. Parker, who I never found talented or easy to look at, fails every step of the way. The only saving grace is Sam Elliott, finally back in his cowboy outfit that works incredibly well for him. The outtakes in the Special Features weren't even funny! Predictable and boring.
- Nominated for 1 Razzie Award: Worst Actress (Parker)
"Starring": Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Kevin Pollak
Directed by: Kevin Smith
IMDB Rating: 5.7
Rotten Tomatoes: 19%
Tracy Morgan is the most talentless actor/comedian on Earth! There it is, prove me wrong. Here's the review I wrote on this blog on July 20, 2010:
I'll start by saying I never thought Tracy Morgan was funny. I think he is the biggest no-talent in Hollywood. I can't understand why people like him. After saying that, this movie is a perfect vehicle for him. It should show the world what I see. I didn't think that I'd like Cop Out from the commercials I saw for it. I had no idea how much I'd actually hate it!! From the opening sequence where Morgan is screaming his head off (yelling does not equal funny!!) and Willis is naming off all the movies that are referenced (give your audience a little bit of credit), to the outrageously unfunny dialogue, to the borrowed, but not quite exact, soundtrack from Beverly Hills Cop, this film was just one big mess. Kevin Smith is a very funny and talented writer and director. This was the first movie he directed without writing and he should have seen just how bad the script was. I've lost a ton of respect for him, but he can't be the only one to blame. Some would say this is an homage to the buddy cop flicks of the 1980's. I would tell those people to take their heads out of their asses and re-watch Beverly Hills Cop and 48 Hrs and the like, 'cause this crap doesn't come close to measuring up. (by the way, count how many times they say the word "homage" in the movie...it's ridiculous!). Sean William Scott's character is totally useless and childish and the bad guy is awful. Please stay away from watching this film...I beg you.
"Starring": Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler, Jason Sudeikis
Directed by: Andy Tennant
IMDB Rating: 5.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 13%
From my blog on July 13, 2010:
Director Andy Tennant, who has made such fluff as Hitch and Fool's Gold, has made another colour-by-numbers film that sounds like it could be fun, but is sooooo not! Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston are a divorced couple. She's a journalist who has obstructed justice and must face a court hearing. He's an ex-cop bounty hunter. Can you see where this is going? The premise has been done a million times...they hate each other, there's lots of yelling and screaming and bandying about, then they come to love each other all over again. Fine, I can take seeing this movie again. What I can't take is the inane subplot that brings them to work with one another...something about a murder or non-suicide or gun smuggling or who the hell knows what. Gerard Butler is not made for romantic comedies. He's not that great to look at (did he have a stroke at some point?) and I swear you could smell his b.o. through the screen. Aniston is there simply to be a skinnier, higher cheek boned Rachel Green. The chemistry between the two, if you can call it that, comes across incredibly forced. Oh, did I mention the absurd subplot??? I laughed, in spite of myself, at a couple of scenes, but all in all this is a movie that can easily be missed.
- Nominated for 4 Razzie Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Actress (Aniston), Worst Actor (Butler), Worst Screen Couple.
Oh....My...Lord...that was so hard to do. I've been working on this list for months. Each time I worked on it I became angrier and angrier at all the people responsible for wasting my time over the years. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my little rants, and if you agree or disagree with some of my findings, let me know...that's the fun of hating movies, isn't it?
